Despair In The Apartment Lounge

16| pictures of breasts on the wall

Song title from:
The ultracheese

December 23rd, 2012
00:57 a.m.

Alex' POV

I had found her. I had made my way back to her. I had held her. And now I had lost her again.

She was here, present with me, but she wasn't. She's changed. Still the 2000's obsessed brat, but, different. It's as if she's gone through so much since the last time I've seen her, only being a boastful and hardheaded 20 year old who thought she knew everything. Now it seemed like she did know everything, as if she's went through it all, went through too much possibly.

All in a matter of a couple of months?

I want to grab her shoulders from behind and swing her around, to force her to look at me and just hold her. To shake her out of it. Why was she doing this? What's gotten into her?

Smoking. Snorting.

What else? Is there even anything else that could be worse than drugs?

She's become an apparition of herself.

Had I done this to her? Was she my collateral damage? Had I made her into what she is now?

I should have called. Matt shouldn't have mocked her, and he should've said sorry. But I should have called, I take blame.

Before I actually spent time with her, Matt used to tell me she wasn't one to have that many friends, only a handful, and Matt and Miles were included in that handful. To suddenly have them out of her life completely must've been extremely hard for her. And lonely.

After dipping her body down and disappearing from the mirrors reflection, I hear a quick snort from her and Henry before they both whip their heads up and rub their noses frantically. Henry laughs as Talaska gives him a small smile, holding her gaze at me through the mirror. I look away for a moment but catch her eyes again.

What's in your head, love?

Henry hurriedly leaves the bathroom after wishing Talaska happy birthday and not long after, a swarm of american lads come through the door, all cupping the front of their pants, holding in their piss.

They pass in front of Talaska and with angry glances, but our eyes stay locked on each others. She makes her way towards me and stands so close she had to lift her head up high to look at my face.

"I'm sorry."

She blurts out loud enough for only me to hear, her chin quivering slightly with her eyes wet, threatening to release its salt water.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, don't be mad. I, I, it's so hard, Alex, it's so- hard,, to stop. Stopping is so,,,"

She looks up at me, breathing hard and gasping for air, a single tear falls from the inside corner of her right eye. Fuck it.

I grab both her shoulders and pull her harshly towards me, enveloping her in my arms, placing a hand on the lower of her back and in her hair, stroking both parts lightly.

"Shh, it's okay, love. Don't apologize-"

"Please don't hate me. Please, don't. I'm the same person, really, I am."

No, you really aren't.

"Never, love, course not. I know, I know."

I slur my speech a tiny bit, alcohol still in my system, but I was sober enough to realize what was going on.

She didn't hold me back, I wished she did, but she just stood there, her arms draped at her side, head below my chin, crying into my neck.

"Aye, it's your birthday. Come on, let's just, forget about it, yeah? There's always a tomorrow for us to talk. Yeah?"