MerAdd Oneshots

I lost the baby

So, I go back to school in September and I'm writing as much as I can BECAUSE (drum roll please) I want to have enough chapters to post a new one every second day of September! Just in the one shots, but my other stores will be updated as well as some new ones posted! Enjoy this kinda sad, but still cute, chapter :)

Meredith Catherine Grey, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the mother of my children, was thirteen weeks and two days pregnant when she left the house for work one Tuesday morning. I had taken the day off, I worked a lot less since having our second child, and she was now pregnant with our third. Her first pregnancy.

My morning went along normally; I woke up our daughter and got her dressed and ready for kindergarten, then woke up our son and managed to get him into a coat and boots before strapping his still sleeping body into his car seat.

I kissed her head of auburn curls and watched as she happily bounced into school with a couple of her little friends. And just as I do every morning, I wished she'd stop growing and stay my small baby forever.

We got home less than an hour later, and of course my sleepy son dozed off yet again with a handful of gerber yogurt puffs and paw patrol on the TV. When the time came for him to go to school in two short years, I wasn't sure what I'd do with myself. He was a Mama's boy, through and through, and I'd miss that once he grew up.

Disturbing our peaceful morning, was the sound of the phone ringing. When I saw the caller ID was the hospital, I nearly rolled my eyes. I wasn't on call, but I knew I was probably getting called to come in anyway. Propping the phone between my shoulder and my ear, I went to the laundry room to get some clean clothes out of the dryer to dress my still pyjama-clothed son for daycare.

"Hello?" I answered, getting some socks, black sweatpants and a green dinosaur t-shirt. He wouldn't be happy about waking up, I knew, but it was all I could do for the moment.

"Mrs. Montgomery-Grey?" It was a receptionist; anybody else would've said Doctor Montgomery-Grey. But it didn't bother me, plenty of people tended to call me by my married name before they knew any better.

"Speaking" I say politely, as I stuff some juice boxes, animal crackers and apple slices into his little fireman backpack. Zipping it up, I headed to the living room to begin the dreaded task of getting him dressed.

"Your wife was brought into the hospital; she got into a car accident on the way to work this morning. She's awake and alert, she seems perfectly fine, but we'd like you to come in while she gets some tests run" she explained, and my heart just about stopped in my chest.

"She's okay?" I ask, dropping the baby clothes on the couch "she's awake? Are you sure she's fine? What about the baby, she's thirteen weeks pregnant" I could feel my anxiety ripping my body to pieces. Not knowing the details made me worry sick.

"She's awake and alert and doing well; we'll update you on her condition when you arrive"

~

I got to the hospital looking like a hot mess; I'd barely dressed my son before jumping into the car and heading to the hospital. My nerves were shot; I didn't even drop him off at daycare, upon entering the hospital I'd seen Callie who was getting her morning coffee.

Of course she was more than willing to take him for me.

"Where is she?" I ask the nurses, panic lacing my voice "what room? Who's her doctor? Did they do an ultrasound?" My hair was wild, slipping out of its formerly neat ponytail. I was still wearing my yoga pants and hoodie from the school drop off; I usually got ready for my day after I got home.

"Calm down" Miranda Bailey's voice sounded from behind me, and I whipped around to see her holding a chart "I was put on Meredith's case as her doctor, and she is okay"

I was relieved, but I still had questions that needed to be answered before my worry would completely subside. "Is the baby okay?" I ask, unsure of what the answer would be.

"Addison...the baby didn't make it"

A feeling of loss I couldn't quite explain coursed through me. A loss that was not something I could see, touch, kiss or love. But it was something that had buried itself deep in my heart, and the idea that one day soon I'd get to see, touch, kiss and love it was exhilarating.

But that was taken away from me now.

"How am I supposed to go in there and see her?" I sigh, rubbing a hand across my forehead. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes "she's going to be devastated and I love her more than anybody in the world. I can't fix this, I can't make it better"

"I know" Miranda says quietly "I can't imagine how you're feeling"

"My wife was pregnant this morning" I say shakily "she was pregnant and we have two babies at home, Rachel and Blake, how am I supposed to go home and tell them Mommy doesn't have a baby in her tummy anymore? They were excited for a new baby brother or sister; how do I go home and tell them it's gone now?" My heart was broken, missing the tiny little baby that didn't get the chance to be a real person yet.

"You're going to be strong" Miranda tells me "you're going to go in there and hold your wife, you're going to tell her it's all okay and everything will be okay. Then, you go home and tell your kids that their baby sister was so loved, that she was needed up in heaven. Then you tell them someday you'll have another baby and that will be so loved, the angels let you keep it to love down here, and that their sister will be watching over them and taking care of them"

God bless Miranda Bailey, for giving me the strength I needed to go into my wife's hospital room and hold her the way she deserved.

I hugged Bailey and thanked her immensely, before wiping my eyes and straightening myself up to go in and comfort Meredith. My chest ached, and I didn't know how to make it go away. This feeling was something I knew I was going to feel for the rest of my life.

Quietly, I walk into her room and shut the door behind me. She's sitting in bed, her eyes red from crying with tissues fisted in her hand. Wordlessly, I sit down beside her and take her small hand into mine.

"I lost the baby" she says "they did the dilation and curettage already; as soon as they brought me in they had to do it. She didn't have a heartbeat in the ER and I was losing so much blood. I wanted them to wait for you" she grips my hand harder.

"It was a girl" I smile despite our situation. We would've had a second daughter and we didn't know it until she was already gone.

"Yeah" Meredith nods with a sad laugh "they took her down to the lab and ran tests; Bailey came back and told me she was a girl. Rachel would've had a sister"

"We'll try again" I say, lying down with her and pulling her into my arms "when you're ready and when I'm ready. We can try again. After we've mourned our daughter, we need to accept that life goes on, and it will be okay. She's watching over us up there and she'll make sure we're okay"

"We should name her" Meredith tells me "so we can say goodbye properly. So the kids can say goodbye to her"

"That's a good idea" naming the baby wasn't supposed to happen like this, finding out the gender wasn't supposed to happen like this, nothing was supposed to happen like this. But regardless, our youngest daughter needed a name so we could let her go.

"I think we should name her Annabel" Meredith says "it's what we were planning on naming a girl when the time came to find out anyway, right?"

"Annabel is perfect, my love. Absolutely perfect"