MerAdd Oneshots

Grey

So I'm after smoking oui'd 🍃and inspiration has struck me lol. So enjoy a random short story I decided to write!

Everything was grey. The sky was grey, the clouds were grey, my mood was grey. It wasn't a surprise when my psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression. It was almost welcome; this wasn't me being crazy, this wasn't me being overly obsessed with Derek and the divorce. This was me, being depressed, and that wasn't my fault.

I didn't enjoy anything anymore; nothing that used to make me happy made me feel anything at all. Getting up in the morning was a chore, going to work was a harder task than it'd ever been. I was exhausted all the time, some nights I slept for hours on end and still found myself exhausted and other nights I didn't sleep for days, but every time I laid down I found I was wide awake. Everything seemed pointless to me, I didn't know why I even bothered with anything most of the time. Every thought in my mind was negative, and I didn't feel enough emotions to care.

I was numb, it were as if my mind was not my own and my body was a strangers. I didn't know who I was anymore, I didn't know my purpose in life or the point of still living. Everything hurt, constantly and harshly, everything always hurt.

Nobody really noticed a difference in me; I suppose they were all caught up in their own lives, and I couldn't blame them for that. They were all busy living, being happy. I didn't want to ruin that, and I didn't want to be pitied. So, I sat in the corner with a fake smile and watched as my life began to pass me by, minute by minute, day by day, week by week.

Derek and I didn't talk anymore, which I was more than okay with. But, he also wasn't seeing Meredith. He'd shacked up with a scrub nurse named Rose, who was sweet and caring and loving. They were a stereotypical happy couple who'd have cute babies and buy a big house with blue shutters and a white picket fence.

Considering Derek was the only person in Seattle I knew, I didn't have many friends, which my doctor told me was probably why I found myself so depressed so quickly. I had nobody; nobody to talk to, nobody to spend time with, nobody to care about, nobody to care about me. I was all alone, and I was always hyper-aware of it.

Ironically, one afternoon, Meredith Grey (who was on my service) asked me a question that I didn't think I'd ever be asked.

"Addison" she'd said, eyes concerned and mouth turned down in a frown "are you alright?"

My mouth went dry, and I had no idea what to say. What was I supposed to say? I didn't want to tell her anything was wrong, after all it wasn't her problem, but I couldn't stand there and say I was perfectly fine when it seemed she knew better.

"I'm alright" I answered, finding my voice and opting to lie about my current state "why would you ask?" Honestly, I was touched that she bothered to ask if I was alright. It might not have seemed like much, but she seemed to be the only one who cared even the slightest about how I was doing.

"Bullshit" she called me out right away "you're not alright; and I'm asking because you're not yourself lately" Meredith and I had been civil, but we weren't close to being friends. We were colleagues, nothing more, nothing less.

"Meredith, we aren't friends. I don't think it's right for me to talk to you about personal things" I told her sincerely. Even if I did want to talk, I didn't know how. I felt suffocated, like I couldn't breathe and I couldn't talk about it. I just couldn't.

"We could be" she countered "look, I know we don't have the best track record, but I can't sit here and watch you be so sad all the time. I can't, I won't"