In Love and Lonely (Ville Valo Fanfic)

Circle Of Fear

Chapter 14

November 20, 2011

Ville stirred. He looked over at the clock on the nightstand and let out a sigh. He had layed with Aava sleeping soundly on his chest for nearly two hours before he had finally fallen asleep only to awaken a few hours later. He was restless and there was definitely no chance of falling back asleep while his mind was running a mile a minute. He lifted Aava's delicate form from across his chest and slid out of the bed slowly as not to distub her. He needed air. The room felt as if it was closing in on him and he couldn't breath. He made his way to his dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers from the drawer then slid them on and grabbed his cigarettes and lighter. He started for the door then gave one last look at Aava's sleeping form. Her bare back was to him, soaking in the moonlight from the bedroom window. She looked absolutely beautiful and he wanted noting more than to climb back into bed with her but he knew he couldn't. His breath caught in his throat and he closed his eyes, it was all too much. He turned and made his way across the hall to his studio, closing the door behind him.

He made his way to the window and opened it up letting the freezing air into the room. He shivered slightly as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He enhailed the toxic smoke then leaned against the windowsill. He didn't know what to do. He felt like his world was crumbling around him and it was all because he was terrified to put a voice to his feelings in fear of rejection. He closed his eyes tight then leaned his head on his forearm. He was on a path of self destruction, one he could have avoided had he been a little stronger. But she was his only weakness and he had caved willingly. He shoved off of the windowsill and burried his hands in his hair.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as he leaned againt the wall and slid down to a sitting position.

He slid his hands down his face and let out a ragged sigh. He knew he had to tell her how he felt. He needed to put a stop to it all or it was going to be his demise.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't." 

~~~~~~~~

Aava rolled over to curl up next to Ville only to be met by an empty bed yet again. She sat up, a frown forming on her face as she looked around the room then climbed out of bed and pulled on one of his tee shirts. She made her way to his makeshift studio, knowing that's where he usually went when he couldn't sleep. The door was open and he sat in his usual spot in the middle of the floor. She walked in quietly as he strummed the chords to Elvis' 'Love me tender'. She sat down behind him and rested her head against his bare back causing him to tense slightly at the sudden touch. He relaxed then finished the last few chords and sat the guitar down with a sigh.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asked sleepily as she ran her finger over one of the scratch marks she had unitentionally marked him with.

He shook his head.

"No." he said, realizing she couldn't see him.

She circled her arms around his torso and gave him a hug upon hearing the sadness in his voice. She kissed his shoulder lightly and he tensed again.

"Please don't do that." He said in a hushed voice.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and her heart dropped.

"What's wrong?" Aava asked worriedly.

Ville let out a sigh then removed her hands from his waist. He turned slightly and laced his fingers with hers, looking down at her hands.