𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie

{five}

"I'm out here, like a message in a bottle
Can't breathe, I'm sinking down the rock bottom
I'm not afraid of the dark cloud, gonna wait it out
Got my racing my heart now and I'm fading out
I'm waiting to be
Saved."

-Lennon Stella, "Saved"

k e n z i e

"You guys begged for another show, so here we are! Is anyone here who came to our show Wednesday?"

A couple of hands from the crowd raise, and my eyes widen in surprise.

"Wow, you guys are dedicated. Y'all should get an award for the most dedicated fans. I mean, I'd get tired of hearing me sing. Aren't you tired of me yet?" I joke. I'm in a surprising good mood. I haven't had an panic attack in a couple days. Which means one is due soon.

"NO!" the crowd shouts, and I grin as my first song starts.

The concert gets into full swing, and Hayden joins me onstage to sing our songs.

"You guys having fun today?" Hayden asks, after our first two songs. "We're gonna sing one more song, and then we'd love for you guys to come up and talk to us after. We set up a little photo op thingy over to the right, so please stop and say hi!"

The songs starts, and just like the past concert, my mind wanders off and I somehow keep singing.

"Kenzie." Hayden whispers behind me, and I freeze, stopping singing, and turn around to face him.

"Wh-wh-at?" I blink slowly.

"You're singing the wrong line," he whispers quickly. "It's 'will we be forever or fade'."

My mind begins spinning, and I stare blankly at him. When I don't go on, he raises his eyebrows at me. "It's fine, go on. You didn't need to stop."

"Wha-wh-at?" My mind is getting more blurry, and my heart rate increases.

Faintly, I notice the music stop, and Hayden stares at me in concern. Behind us, the crowd murmurs quietly in confusion.

"Kenzie, are you okay?"

"No." I blink slowly, then shake my head. "I'm-sorry, I-"

Hayden turns to the crowd. "Sorry, we're having a little issue with Kenzie's mic. Please stand by."

"Kenz," he says, looking back at me.

What am I doing? I look back at the crowd, and seeing their startled faces scares me. Then it comes. My heart rate speeds up as my heart hits the floor, and the swirling feeling overtakes me.

"Kenzie, do you need water? What's going on?" Hayden whispers, but I can barely hear him.

I push past him, and stumble offstage. Tears stream from my eyes, and I can't escape this feeling...lost, alone, broken.

My breath comes in short gasps, and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. I can't get out of this sensation. I'm frightened. As my throat tightens, I whimper and collapse onto the floor.

"Ke-kenzie..." I hear Hayden's dad from behind me.

"Stop." I shake my head, covering my ears. The loud noises won't stop. The feeling won't leave. I shudder, clutching my shoulders, feeling my fingernails dig into my skin.

Distantly, I feel Mr. Summerall crouching beside me. He says something to me, but I can't make it out.

My mind is a blur, and I can't control the helpless sobs that come out, gasps for breath that leave me feeling even more exhausted and empty.

Someone lifts me up and leads me to my dressing room. I barely notice, falling onto the chair, letting the tears fall, which gather in puddles on the cushion.

Finally, after eternity passes, my heart slows down to a normal pace, and I can sense the feeling subsiding.

I raise my head slowly and around the dressing room, breathing heavily. Wiping my eyes, I brush the hair from my face and shakily stand to my feet. I can faintly hear some noise outside.

What did Hayden tell the fans after I left? What did I do? I don't even remember. I can't believe I got a panic attack during a concert. What am I going to do if this happens again?

There's a light tap on the door, and I jump. Annie's voice comes through the door softly.

"Kenz?"

I timidly open the door, and Annie looks at me for a second before pulling me into a tight hug. Tears drip from my eyes onto her shoulder.

"I-I feel so..." I choke up, unable to go on.

"It's okay." Annie whispers.

Finally, I pull away, wiping my eyes. "I can't believe that happened. What did Hayden do?"

"He told the audience you got sick. Then he sang his one song and did the meet and greet. I think he's just finishing up now. But I don't think anyone knows."

"Are you sure?" I turn back into my dressing room and sink down weakly into the chair.

"Yes. You're fine, Kenzie. I'm just glad you got offstage before you started crying. You just looked...sick or something." Annie sits in a chair next to me and squeezes my hand.

Another knock on the door surprises us, and Annie gets up to open it.

It's Hayden's dad, my manager. He looks at me, and I bite my lip nervously.

"I'm sorry," I stammer, flushing a deep red.

"It's ok." He says shortly, and then looks down at his phone. "But it can't happen again."

I look down at my hands, not knowing what to say. I can't control that.

"We talked about this already. After that viral video of you, I told you we needed to do something about it. You said it wouldn't happen again, but it did."

"Mr. Summerall," Annie speaks up, "It's not her fault. She can't control it."

"Of course." Jimmy pauses for a second, and then goes on. "I talked to your mom, and..."

My cheeks heat up. "Why do you-"

He cuts me off. "We're signing you up for counseling."

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a/n: I NEED TO GO TO BED IM NOT GONNA B ABLE TO WAKE UP TOMORROW RIP ME

oh here's this adorable gif I found of Maisy I need to share even tho you don't care about her at all oh 🐋