This Life (COMPLETED)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Alex and I are currently on a plane back to Washington and you can feel the tension between us. I tried to reassure him yet again that I wanted to be with him, but it seems his insecurities have reached a breaking point. I know he's not mad at me, but he is letting Kain's words get to him. I've tried to talk to him to distract him from the thoughts I knew were swirling around in his head, but he has seemed to shut me out.

This has only resulted in me beginning to overthink as well. I can't stop thinking about the whole soulmates thing again. I know it seems stupid that the idea of soulmates seems farfetched to me when I'm literally the epitome of farfetched, but how far can these insanities go? But if you do accept the insanities of Kain and I, is it possible that we are... If we are am I defying the nature of this universe by not being with Kain? I love Kain. I do, I won't deny it, I'll never deny it, but I love Alexander too. And Alexander is not like us, he doesn't get a second chance at life, I only have him in this life. Is that selfish? To want to be with him because I know I'll never have him in my next life? But when Kain had said he'd see me in our next life he held a promise of us being together... That has to be selfish of me, to want to have them both because technically I can.

I know I shouldn't think of the 'what if's' but I can't help it. Because the truth is if Kain had told me the truth right off the bat, I'd probably be with him right now. But instead he kept it from me and I fell in love with Alexander again. I can't blame him, of course not, but it's moments like this where I can't help but wonder...

I'm an awful person. You'd think after living three previous lives, I'd get a hang of it by now... You know like how to be a good person, how to not be selfish, how to love someone the right way... I hate myself for what I've done and caused. I was and still am selfish and I don't know how to change that. I want to be better, I want to do the right thing, but what is the right thing?

"Luna wants to meet us for lunch," Alexander finally speaks after our plane lands.

I try to study his face, but it remains blank. "Okay, that sounds good. I'm hungry."

He nods and stands to grab our bag from the overhead. I watch him, trying to figure out what to do or say. We slowly make our way off the plane and head to the exit where Luna was going to pick us up. I have a bag slung over my right shoulder and Alexander pulls the other bag in his left hand, but he does not reach out to grab my free hand like he normally would.

Despite arguments or disagreements that Alex and I have, he usually will still make some kind of physical contact with me. He once told me it's his reassurance that despite what happened I'm still there. I know something is really wrong if he doesn't make some kind of physical contact with me, it has only happened one other time.

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"What the hell do you mean you're having a baby?"Katherine shouts at the two of us as we stay seated awkwardly on the couch.

Jonas stands there shocked, saying nothing as Katherine begins pacing in anger. "Are you two stupid? No why am I asking that, of course you are! How could you be so stupid? You just turned sixteen! Sixteen Alexander! You aren't old enough to have a child! Are you crazy? You can't raise a baby!" She yells out. Alexander stiffens beside me. He eyes his dad, but Jonas stays silent. I know in Alexander's eyes that meant he agreed with Katherine, even if he really didn't.

"Katherine—" I start, but she glares daggers at me. I flinch, not used to her anger being directed at me.

"You did this! You ruined my son's life! How do we even know it's his?" She points an accusing finger at me and I gasp in shock at her accusation.