Affection // irwin

Chapter 26

 “His words triggered you, didn’t they?” Ashton asks after a while.

I’m sitting in front of him, my legs crossed.

I nod at his question. It’s only half the truth. There were other things too involved.

“He called Amy too. Told me some things and I heard her crying. She said what you did.”

“Yet you asked what happened.”

“I needed to know, Ashton. She was crying for God’s sake. Amy doesn’t cry.” 

Amy crying was the last thing I ever thought I would hear.

“Is there anything else I need to know?”

Ashton seems tired. His eyes are wild, his hair is sticking in every direction. Is there anything else he needs to know of? I’m not gonna tell him about the people in class ignoring me. Not now. So I shake my head and I notice him letting out a breath.

“What will you tell your parents?”

I haven’t come that far yet. I know they will yell at me. I know they will want to hear everything. I really didn’t think about this. But I guess you don’t when your brain and heart decide not to work properly anymore. My feelings have slowly returned, but it will take time before I’m completely back to normal. I won’t be back where I was before, I will have lost a piece of myself, but at least I will feel something. I pinch my arm again, but there’s still nothing. Maybe I can only feel on the inside. Maybe I should tell my parents to punch me with their fists, instead of yell at me.

“How long are you going to stay here?”

“For as long as you want me to stay.”

“Don’t you have class or something?” I ask him.

“Don’t you?”

“Touché.”

I think my parents called me in sick or something. Or at least I hope so. If they still love me, that is. But even if they haven’t, nobody would even notice me missing.

“So what are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?” He frowns at me.

“You dumped your girlfriend. One of your best friend probably hates you because of it. Right now you’re sitting in a room with a psychotic, unstable girl who just told you she tried killing herself. And she can’t feel a damn thing, which means she’s not human. Also, you’ve got her parents downstairs and they need an answer as soon as you leave this room.”

“Don’t call yourself psychotic, ‘cause you’re not.”

“Then what I am?”

“You’re Joselyn. A girl who’s smart, cute and funny. A girl who can make delicious pancakes and a girl who can make me laugh. You’re also a girl with some extra baggage who needs help caring that baggage and I’m here to offer you some help.”

That is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Even though I’ve had people telling me they can help me, that they are here for me, Ashton’s different. I believe he actually can help me, because he already has. More than he can imagine.

ASHTON POV 

When will Joselyn understand that she is beautiful just the way she is? I thought she had gained a little confident, at least it seemed like it. But then she describes herself as psychotic. I really wonder what is going on inside her head, because that word she just described herself with, is one of the least things she is.