Affection // irwin

Chapter 37

 I wake up with a smile on my face and the sun shining through the window. Yesterday’s still playing in my head; every single word, every move is on repeat. It’s been on all night.

‘Will you be my girlfriend?’

‘Yes.’

I’d say a million yes’ to him but that would probably annoy him and I don’t want my first relationship to end in less than 24 hours.

I reach for my phone and turn it on, expecting a message from him but there’s none. My face falls and I realize I’m a little disappointed. Maybe he’s not awake yet? I look at my alarm clock, 6.35 am. He should be awake. I text him good morning and ask him if he wants to meet up later. I hope I don’t scare him off. 

What do couples even do? Do they do special couple-things? Or is it just like being in a friendship, but with more intimate moments? I don’t use to spend my time watching others do their couple-things. I mean, who would want anyone to stare at them while kissing someone? I know I wouldn’t.

Minutes turn to hours and soon I’m seated in a cold classroom, its walls grey and the windows look like they haven’t been cleaned for years. Ashton still hasn’t replied, not a single dot. I’m getting worried, this is not like him. Has something happened to him?

“What are you doing?” I hear Sarah whisper as the teacher starts writing something on the board. I give her a glance and she gives me a weird look as I try to sneak my phone under the table without anyone noticing.

“My boyfriend won’t answer my text messages,” I reply with the same hush voice.

My boyfriend. That sounds so weird yet so amazing to say.

“Maybe he is in class. Text later, we do not want Mr. B to see what you are up to,” she says, and I notice how she doesn’t use any contractions.

She is quite weird that girl, but she’s friendly so I don’t mind. She talks to everyone about anything and I kind of envy her for that. I envy her because she makes it look so easy when in reality it isn’t. I can’t just walk up to some random person and say hi, and start discussing their favorite TV-show or what they did during the weekend. Sometimes I just wish life was a little easier. Or it could at least give me a little break.

I don’t know Ashton’s schedule and even if he is in class, like Sarah suggested, he would have at least replied to one of the other messages I sent earlier. It’s been 3 hours. God, I’m desperate. I wouldn’t mind him spamming my phone. He’s a curious soul, that’s what he is. But I don’t want to be one of those clingy girlfriends wanting to know where their boyfriend is 24/7. I have a feeling Amy was one of them. I recall Luke having implied it.

I haven’t seen Amy nor Luke, or heard from any of them, for over a week and I’m tensed because I know I will soon. I can’t stay away from them. If I found Ashton here when I got back, of course Luke or Amy’s going to find me. We do in fact have the same friends.

Do you ever think the things you think about, is some kind of heads up for what will happen next? Some kind of warning? Like if you think of how good ice-cream is – you will get ice-cream in the nearest couple of hours even though you don’t know it at first? Like the whole ‘speak of the devil’-expression? 

Because I do. I do believe it’s a warning.

I should never have thought about Luke or Amy. I should have just let them be. Because don’t you think there’s a tall blonde person waiting outside the classroom after class? Don’t you think those blue eyes pierce me and I want to run back, but the students just keep pushing me, making me move forward, almost walking into this surfer dude, who I now know for real really does surf? Ashton told me. He even told me how he, Ashton himself, tried once but ended up breaking the surf board on his first attempt.