survive - 생존

Chapter 12 : Assessment

I'm watching a goddess dancing right in front of me. While the sensual voice of Sun Mi is slowly invading my mind, I'm observing Mee Na and her team dance on Gashina. But I can't look at my two friends, Iseul and Ki Suk. I'm too amazed by Mee Na. She's the oldest girl here, has already been a part of a group, and I can clearly tell that she's a professionnal. Her body is made to dance. The sensuality she puts in her choreography is mesmerizing. She's putting the level really high.

Let me summarize what happened during the last two weeks. After the shooting, nothing really important happened. I worked on my solo project, on the vocal assignment with Ki Suk and Min Hwan, and of course with my teammates for the dance project.

Concerning my relationship with Seung Min, we both decided to focus on this first assessment before anything else. Three projects to manage was a lot to do, even if we had a lot of time, and it was better for us to put the priority on it. Fortunately, my roommates didn't ask me more about what happened the day Kang Dae assaulted me and Seung Min.

Even if nothing tangible happened between Seung Min and me, my daily life has changed a lot. I was always feeling his untold cheerings, and I knew his smiles were not just smiles that friends would share. On my side, I tried to be the most cheerful and sweet as possible, without being noticed by the members. We don't know how many times we will hide our secret, but for the moment, my thoughts are all in the assessment.

Let's go back to the present with that crucial first assessment.

Mee Na's team is the first one to pass, and mine is the next. Kang Dae was in their team, but they don't seem to be destabilized by his absence. To be honest, I think it's a good thing for them that they don't have to manage him. I try my best to look at someone else than Mee Na, and finally realize how good is Iseul. Her style is very fresh and her moves are smooth, but it doesn't affect on the sensual vibe of the choreo. I'm so proud of her since she has never been a trainee before.

And then, I look at Ki Suk. He's really cute. The vibe he gives when he dances is not really the same as his teammates, but we can clearly see how hard he's trying to give his best. Dong Min, the last member, is surprisingly good. He's the maknae among the fourteen members, and has never worked in an agency, but he has surely already danced before.

At the end of the performance, we all acclaim the team. They're really good and I have to admit that I'm a bit anxious now. Seung Min, who's sitting next to me, must have seen my anxiety grow up during the performance because he puts his hand on mine for a second. It doesn't last long but it's enough to make me breathe better.

-Team number two with "Baby Don't Stop"!

Me and my teammates get up. The director is here, sitting in front of us like a queen on her throne, in front of her slaves. Ho Joo, our manager is there too, with four other persons that we don't know. The queen is still as unpleasant as before but I decide to not care about it. I will give my best and show her why I deserve to be a part of the group.

We're about to start the dance when I notice that a man next to the director is looking intensely at He Ran. When I look at her, she looks stressed and embarrassed. She's avoiding the man's look and he seems to be anxious. I suddenly remember one thing she told us a few days ago when we were talking about our reason to be an idol : "I'm not really here because I want it." At that time, I didn't know what to think about it, but I knew for sure that she was sad when she said that. Does it have something to do with this man?

After a deep sigh, someone turns the music on and I enter in connection with it. I forget He Ran and this man, I forget the director's cold look, I forget my boyfriend standing next to me, ready to dance as if his life was depending on our performance. Cause it's the truth. My futur depends on my ability to give a good performance. As soon as the choreography starts, my heartbeats synchronize with the rythme, and my body automatically moves in response to my teammates. I catch my breath and easily take the series of steps, trying to show the sexy and sharp side of the song.