PRETTYMUCH IMAGINES

Broken X Nick Mara

(a/n: trigger warning)

Nick's P.O.V

"Nick."

"Nick, come on we're on in like 5 minutes." Edwin says while stepping closer to me.

I completely ignored him as I continued to stare blankly at the photograph that was resting in my hands.

I trembled as my fingers clutched the picture tighter, never wanting to let it go.

My head spun towards Edwin with tears staining my cheeks and a pout on my lips which had proclaimed that I'd been crying.

Suddenly he realised exactly what was happening.

"...Nick." he starts.

"Don't." I interject sternly before he can say another word.

"Nick you can't keep doing this..."

I was quiet.

"Look, I understand that you're-"

"Don't you ever tell me that you understand...Nobody in this got damn world understands."

"Nick-"

"Stop fucking saying my name!"

"...calm down."

"How the hell do you expect me to do that?! I'm a mess Edwin, look at me! We go on in 5 minutes and I look a mess!"

Ed just lets out a deep breath of air and sits down next to me.

"...Nick, I'm sorry this happened...I truly am but, everyone out there is counting on us."

I felt my eyes sting with tears again.

"It's all my fault Ed...I should've been there."

"No, Nick stop."

"She needed me and I wasn't there."

"Bro-"

He was interrupted by the sound of the door bursting open.

The rest of the boys poured into the small room loudly.

"What the hell are you guys doing we're on in like 2 minu-"

Edwin stops Brandon from talking when he tilts his head over to me.

"Oh...shit...I didn't..."

I swallowed hard and stood to my feet; suddenly feeling the strong urge to not have everyone's full attention.

"Stop, okay... I'm fine. Let's just get this over with."

And with that I headed out onstage.

The rest of boys joined me seconds after and about a minute later we began the show.

I made it through about 4 songs without any problems.

But on the 5th, at my part, instead of singing my verse I froze, dropped to my knees, and sobbed.

Right there in front of all our fans.

They stopped the track and I could hear everyone in the crowd grow silent.

Until someone shouted

"I love you Nick It'll be okay!"

My whole body trembled and everyone backstage and onstage came to comfort me.

But, the only person who could give me that comfort, wasn't here.

I knew what happened to y/n wasn't fully my fault.

But, everytime I thought about it I cried.

If I'd have been there maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe she'd still be here.

"I'll call you when I get home."

Was the last thing I told her.

Not,

I love you.

Not,

You mean everything to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Just,

"I'll call you when I get home."
....................
I clutched my microphone in my hand and began choking out my words.

All the people who were comforting me stepped back to let me speak.

"I...I apologise. I know you guys came here to see a concert and I promise we'll refund whoever needs it."

"...as you guys may know, my girlfriend y/n....she was- she was in...an accident."

I buried my head in my hands in utter sorrow.

I was so frustrated I could barely speak.

"She was driving and someone hit her..." I huffed while trying to contain my composure.

"...you guys...you have no idea how hard it is to act like nothing is wrong. Everyday I have to act like I'm unphased when literally all I think about is her." My lip quivered as I spoke.

"I loved that woman with all my heart and now she's gone."

"I don't mean to be depressing but, I honestly can't do this and I hope you all understand."

I sauntered over to Brandon and gave him my mic; he looked at me with sad eyes before pulling me in for a long hug.

The fans screamed things like:

They loved me

And

They were there for me.

While the rest of the boys sent small nods my way to let me know that they too, were here for me as I headed back into my dressing room.

I grabbed my picture from where I left it and examined my beautiful princess as tears poured down my cheeks for another time tonight.

My heart ached in my chest and my head thumped from the raging headache that had formed as I whispered:

"...I love you so much babygirl...I wish I could've told you."

Guys I'm SOBBING wth, why did i do this😭😭😭