As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story

Part 56: The Servant's Faith

Ciel's POV

"And then the princess gives the prince the kiss of true love, setting him free of his curse to finally live happily ever after with his true love." I make sure to close the book soundlessly in my hands, wanting to cherish the warmth the story has bestowed upon the atmosphere between myself and my rather tired son.

"What is true love, Mama?"

"True love is what your Daddy and I have. And what we both have for you."

"But what is it?"

How do I explain this in a way he would understand?

"Well...there are different types of true love. Romantic love, like me and Daddy. Familial love, like we have for you, Eliza and your Aunt Lizzy. And lastly friendly love, like you have for Mey-Rin and all of the other people that live in these walls."

"Why did you fall in love with Daddy?"

I...

"I...Uhm..."

"Do you not remember?"

"No-...No I remember perfectly...It was the little things he did for me. Things that he was never asked to do but...he did them anyway."

"Like what?" He asks, more intrigued by this than the story I read to him.

"Well, there is this one moment that I will never forget. It was the first moment that began to change how I felt about my butler. Not straight into love but... I began to see him as more than just a butler. Something that I was scared of. Elizabeth had wrecked my Manor one fateful night and I was forced to wear a ridiculously old fashioned costume because she thought I was adorable in it, which I wasn't, and she noticed that the ring of the Phantomhive heir didn't match the outfit." I offer my hand to him allowing tiny fingers to grab hold of my precious heirloom.

"That blue one right there. Anyway, she ended up breaking the precious ring out of anger after I refused to take it off, not realising how much it meant to me, and I became so mad that I almost slapped her across the face. Although, as always Sebastian came to the rescue and stopped my hand before it struck. He tried to calm me but as Elizabeth began to cry I realised that I shouldn't choose an item over my betrothed...and I threw the broken shards of the ring out of an open window."

"Were you sad?"

"Very...but I never used to show my feelings. I couldn't even smile as though I was happy. I never truly was back then. That's...that's besides the point, later on that night while he was preparing me for bed he pulled out the ring. He had repaired it so well that you would never have known that this ring was smashed to smithereens. But I never asked him to...he did it out of kindness and...and I liked him for it."

"When did you start loving him?"

"Astre, to tell you the truth, I loved Sebastian Michaelis for years and years before I ever knew I did."

"How?"

"I used to lie to myself... I told myself that he was my butler and that I don't need nor want a friendship with anyone." I hate lying to my child but calling my lover a demon would be too frightening for him to handle.

"Why did you stop?"

"I became...I was so tired of holding up a stoic facade all these years, I wanted to talk. I wanted to thank him. I wanted to be kind like him..."

"When did he fall in love with you?"

Why am I being subjected to interrogation by my own child? I feel pressured.

"I don't know-"

As soon as the first syllable slipped from the lips of my intruder, I couldn't help but break out in a rather undeniable smile.

"The day we first had a real conversation about the nightmares. He had only just turned sixteen at the time but he refused to celebrate, refused to acknowledge the passage of time. Refused to celebrate the day his parents died."

The truth isn't always the best thing to share with others but...Astre doesn't deserve a lie.

Sebastian sits down on the other side of the bed, allowing me to lean against him, my head resting on the crook of his neck. One hand reaching up to stroke my hair whilst the other aids my slight discomfort in the position. Supporting my weight entirely, as he has supported me all of these years.

"As he sat there, he showed me the vulnerability in it's full form that I had only gained short glimpses of in the past. I was enthralled by him. Seeing him so open, freed from his facade for those few minutes had chained me to him. Vulnerable and yet so powerful...I felt married to him then. As though I had finally found something I never  thought I desired. I had never felt love for anyone, not even for my own parents and yet, even though I had never experienced it there was nothing more obvious to me than this feeling burning in my chest.

I loved him. From the moment I saw who he truly was, I loved him.

And being my Master...my sweet little Master, I knew I could never tell him.

So I settled for being the servant.

For longingly watching him from the sidelines.

For wishing to be the one to steal his first kiss.

For watching my Bocchan grow older, more beautiful and wiser than I ever thought possible.

As my heaven grew forever out of my reach."