t h i r t y f o u r

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I sit outside in the grass watching my dad dig graves for the undead. We stay in peaceful silence while he works. He breathes heavily and that's mostly the only sound that can be heard other than groans from walkers outside of the fences. 

I think back to a week ago, when everything at the prison was fine. Everybody was happy Carl and I were reading comic books with a flashlight and drinking some powdered lemonade. The biggest concern we had on our hands was keeping an eye out for the Governor to return.

Then I think back to months ago. When I wasn't weak and it seemed like I was fighting for my life and getting out of sticky situations by myself  every other day. I've gotten too used to feeling safe and I've let my guard down. 

I should've noticed the ceiling collapsing in the Big Spot. I should've noticed the walker that bit Zach sooner. Maybe if I had he'd still be alive right now. Maybe Beth would still have her boyfriend. He doesn't even get a proper burial. He should, it's what a good guy like him deserves. 

"What's on your mind kid?" Dad asks placing the dirt in his shovel on top of the pile he has. 

"Nothing." I say snapping out of my thoughts and looking up at my father.

"Bullshit." He says shaking his head. "You got that look on your face."

"What look?" I ask.

"That look." He says taking a hand off the shovel so he can point at my face. "Your eyebrows furrow up and your mouth pouts."

"I'm just thinking about everything thats happened." I admit shrugging as if it's no big deal, even if it is. "Just a short time ago we were fighting for our lives and this place and now we're practically hosting garden parties. We're getting to used to feeling 'safe' and now with people getting sick its like a reality check." 

"I agree with you kiddo," Dad tells me. "We've somewhat lost touch with the outside world but you gotta think positively, we have a place for people to start families, and a place to raise Judith."

"I know." I say nodding and picking at my thumbs. "I just don't want to lose my survival instincts from being in here too long I guess, but after what happened on the run, I'm not sure its safe for me to get out, I can't help protect anyone as much as I used to."

"Cheri, what happened to Zach," He says. "It's not your fault."

"But maybe if-" I notice Rick coming over and I stop talking. "Nevermind." 

He stops right in front of dad. 

"Glad you were in there." Dad tells Rick.

"Wasn't much use without my gun." Rick responds.

"No you were." Dad reassures. "All this time you've been taking off, you earned it. We wouldn't be here without you." 

"It was all of us." Rick argues. 

"No, it was you first. You gonna help us figure this out?"

"I screwed up too many times. Those calls you got to make, I start down that road- I almost lost my boy, who he was. Whatever else this place needs I'm there for it."

"Like I said, you earned it. But for what its worth, you see mistakes, I see when the shit hits. You're standing there with the shovel."

Dad goes to get out of the current grave he's digging  while Rick looks down into it. That's when Maggie yells echo through the field and we're all up on our feet.

"Rick! Daryl!" She calls for the two men. We look over and see that the fence where walkers have been piling up is about to topple  and it isn't long before we're running towards it. "The noise drew 'em out and now this parts starting to give!" 

I quickly grab a pole and start stabbing walkers through the fence but its not enough, there's too many for us to control.  The dead claw at us through the fence and for a second I fear that we're their next meal.

"Are you seeing this?" Sasha yells drawing our attention to her. A pile of dead, half eaten rats is on the floor. It's enough to make me want to vomit. "Is someone feeing these things?"

"Heads up!" I yell as a walker begins to literally climb towards the top of the fence.

"This part of the fence!" Sasha yells and everyone goes back to stabbing the walkers.

"It's gonna give!" Glenn yells repeatedly. 

All of a sudden we're trying to to hold up a fence against a miniature herd of walkers. I can see the polls starting to tilt and the chain link is the only thing separating us from the dead. A walker is pressed so hard against it that the things face slices through it. After that, the contents of my stomach are on the floor. Luckily, my vomit only hits my shoe. Unluckily, these are my only shoes.

"Everybody back!" Dad yells grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling me backwards. "Come on back, now!"

 "The fence keeps bending in like that those walkers are coming over it." Sasha says stating the obvious. The fence is at a 45 degree angle and theres little we can do to stop more walkers from piling up.

I notice Rick look towards the small animal farm he created and I follow his gaze to the pig pen. He looks away and rubs his face as if deciding something and jumps into action.

"Daryl get the truck." He says making his decision. "I know what to do." 

Dad runs to get the truck and Rick runs for the pig pens. Rick's going to feed the piglets to the walkers. Better them than us I suppose. Dad drives the truck with the piglets and Rick on the bed out of the gates and I shut it behind them.

A small group stays at the caving fence to keep it controlled until they get out there and as the walkers start to notice the noise of the truck, and some pressure is alleviated from the fence. One by one Rick cuts the thigh of the piglets and the walkers leave the gate enough for the group still over by the fence to stick a post up. 

The walkers are gone, and now feasting on pork as dad brings the truck back in. Rick looks torn. I understand why. He tried to cut out as much violence as possible after the governor. He even gave up the role as leader in place of a council. The man was in such a dark place, I don't blame him for farming all this time. Now, it's like he's going down the same path no matter how hard he tries. 

Later on I see him tearing apart the old pig pen and pour gasoline over it. He lights a match and hesitates before throwing it onto the wood pallets. I look down at my feet, feeling bad for him. When I look up, I see Carls gun in his hands and Rick's in his belt. 

The old Rick Grimes is making a comeback and I can tell he doesn't know if it's a good one.

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Word Count: 1195

wow my dramatic ass ending love that for us

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