f o u r t y f o u r

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It's been a rough couple of days. Elisa is attempting to shove her way into my life but frankly, I'd rather she not. She's the one who gave me up, the end of the world doesn't change the fact that she cared more about the drugs than me. 

All my life, I had made up this beautiful woman. One that loved me and cared for me. Elisa doesn't seem like that type of woman. I've seen the scars on her arms from needles, and to me it feels as if she no longer has the drugs so she's trying to grab at the second choice, also known as me.

Needless to say, I've been sticking  around my dad and Carl the most. I know that when I'm with my dad, she doesn't come by me as much. When I'm with Carl, he's usually by Rick who she is iffy about considering that he was a cop.

"How are you feeling?" Carl asks feeding Judith, the poor thing only has a little bit of formula so her bottle is mostly water. We sit off to the side, away from the adults. "About all this, your mom I mean?"

"There's nothing to feel." I say shrugging letting Judith grab my hand. "She's only the woman who gave birth to me and left my dad and I. I don't understand the big deal." 

"Cherokee she's your mom." He urges looking into my eyes, it's blue on green.

"No Carl, she's the one who gave birth to me." I say getting up and walking away. "There's a difference." 

With that, I storm off into the woods, in need of a small break. I don't go far, only far enough that I don't feel crowded at camp. I sit down with my back against a tree and bring my knees to my chest. Slowly, all my pent up emotions come out at once. Silently, tears begin to roll down my face as I stab at the dirt with my knife. 

Of all possible times, it had to be at the end of the world. It's not that I don't want a mom, I do I really do. I just don't want one who had drugs as her first choice. Drugs, over her own child, her own flesh and blood. 

I hear leaves crunching close to me and I quickly wipe my tears with the backs of my hands. A pair of boots stops in front of me, without looking up, I know that they're Elisa's. 

"I think the dirt's had enough, don't you?" She says, attempting to fix the situation with humor. "Look, I know that you don't seem to want anything to do with me, but I'm trying to be your mother here. I've made mistakes and if I could go back and fix them I would." 

"I came here to be alone." I mutter grabbing my knife and going back to camp. "Not for everyone to pester me."

"You're just like your father." I hear her mumble angrily. I march over to where my dad is and sit next to him. 

"She try to talk to you too?" He asks and I nod leaning against the tree.  My stomach growls. "When's the last time you ate?" 

"I don't know." I tell him shrugging my shoulders. "I'm fine." 

"Eat, then I'll take you out on a hunt." He hands me a granola bar and I take it slowly. "Sound's like you need to get away from everything."  

He then gets up and tells Rick who nods, looking back at me with a look of pity. I hate it. Life was easier when it was just my dad and I. Now, I have a mother attempting to shove herself back in my life when she shoved all the burdens of parenthood onto my father when I was younger. 

She missed all the hard times, the times I got sick, the times I came home from school crying. She missed my first days of school, my first doctors appointment, my first dentists appointment, she missed the important things. She missed the times that my dad had to be there when in reality he couldn't do much. She missed the times that I needed a mother. 

"Ready?" Dad says grabbing my hand and pulling me up. 

"Yeah." I tell him grabbing my crossbow. 

"Where are you going?" Elisa calls from the other side of camp. 

"On a hunt." Dad tells her shortly. 

"With my daughter?" She asks crossing her arms. "Don't you think I deserve a say in this?"

"She's my kid Elisa." Dad grumbles. "I'm the one who raised her and kept her safe all these years." 

With a nod in my direction, dad leads the way into the woods. He allows us to get farther and farther from camp before speaking up. 

"It's gonna be hard," He tells me. "I know, that deep down somewhere, she wanted to be your mom, she just didn't want to give it up. She's trying, you gotta give her that. Even if her trying is coming on way to fast. I don't really like it either." 

"I know." I whisper looking at the ground, toeing some tracks with my shoe and nodding in the direction we're going in. "It's just always been me and you." 

"It will still be like that Cheri," He says placing a hand on my shoulder. "Trust me, I don't like it either, and I'm not asking you to let her in completely, just to be civil. We're going to be in close capacity for god knows how long, lets try to make it as less awkward as possible." 

"Okay," I nod slowly, taking in my dads words. "I can do that."

"Good, now let's finish this up." He says shooting a squirrel straight through the eye.

---

We arrive to the camp with fewer game than we wanted but it's enough for everyone to have a small portion. If we had stayed out a couple more hours than we might've had more, but this will have to do for now. 

I sit next to Carl once more, this time though, I'm holding Judith so he can eat his food without her playing with it. She's a mischievous little girl. 

"Tomorrow, we move on, get clear of this area" Rick says looking over the fire at everyone. "Tonight, we rest up, get the rest of our strength back."

Not to long after that, we split up into our sleeping arrangements. Carl and I are together, we share a large sleeping bag and a blanket over us. Our father's don't object the sleeping bag considering we're both small enough to fit comfortably and it leaves another bag for someone else. 

As the fire dies, I get closer to the boy. Attempting to steal his warmth and I feel him chuckle. 

"Shut up coral." I tell him snuggling closer, his arms wrap around me and I slowly fall asleep to the sound of his breathing. 

---

Word Count: 1161

okay so originally I was just going to go into the next episode but, I really liked the thought of Cherokee struggling with her mom coming back. Also, can u tell I have mommy issues lol

anyways hope you enjoyed! Feedback appreciated 

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