Cheesecat log

Cheesecat Log: 1/5/18

I'm trying to catch up on all those updates that I got but couldn't look at over the holidays and I feel like giving up.

I'm not mentally stable and it only gets harder for me to focus to the point where I don't care about chapters anymore. I just keep procrastinating over the fact that nobody likes it.

It's stupid, I know but I mean what else would you have me do? Die?

I mean I can't even draw good and my self confidence is at an all time low. I've been trying to feel happy and instead I feel fake. I keep trying to find people to talk to and all I do is drag them down with my stupidity.

And to top it off I keep snapping. Breaking. And I keep telling people for some reason and all they try to give me is help. And I don't want help. I can't take it. It's not mine and I don't need it.

And then I get angry. My emotions are out of control and I have no where else to put them without someone being concerned. Or telling me to not do something.

At some points I feel sane enough to draw. Other points I can't even lift the pencil. And I've been trying to keep my emotions in check. I wrapped a few rubber bands around my wrists and any time I feel like I've gone out of control I pull on them.

I'm such a shit show. If anyone bothers to read this then hopefully it's not one of the three people I've snapped at in the past three days.

I'm sorry.