Cheesecat log

Rant that was taken out of the oneshot book

Blah blah blah sex blah blah blah it's 5 am and I don't feel like writing a sex scene. Why might you ask? Oh wait nobody ever asks so I'll answer my own rhetorical question. I have no clue. I think it's cause I lost all motivation to write a sex scene when storm told me she was uncomfortable with me writing something of this caliber with her involved. So instead of something most likely resulting in anal and face sitting and tickle torture you get this nice block of text. Don't like it? Too bad. I have no real life details to go off of. Hell I lost the sick motivation when storm told me not to. I don't even know why I wrote 904 words of something leading up to nothing. Blame my subconscious. I don't have any music to physically set the scene in my head so I can't write for shit. All because some assholes called my parents decided that, oh look, let's shut off the internet and take away everyone's data and hope they get on a better sleep schedule lol hehe that'll work haduhh. EDEN doesn't set any sexual mood. All he does is make me depressed. If I wanted something with fluff which is never then I'd listen to my kinda anime playlist... IF I COULD ACCESS IT. I'm very salty. I couldn't play Pokémon go today when my dad and I went shopping because my mom turned the data off. And then I came home and she acted all caring like oh right you don't have data, anyways you get everything? I don't actually care about your lack of music because I'm sick and tired of you. You should be lucky we haven't kicked you out yet. Even your own siblings hate you. The only thing you're good for right now is lazing around and not doing tasks I decide to burden you with that you never asked for. Oh also have you looked at colleges yet? It's been a year. No? Well I can help you. Do you want a counselor to talk to you about colleges? No? Well then what do you wanna do you can't just sit in the damn basement forever and entertain your friends after they've had a stressful day. That's not very helpful to society now is it. Oh right go make that pie crust I told you to make it's easy. Just follow the three pages of instructions that specify just exactly how you have to do it. I'm aware you didn't want to but I dumped it on you. Also clean the kitchen and put away the dinner you made for us since I'm busy homeschooling your siblings now. Just wipe off the cabinets with all those rags we have. Oh yeah actually use the damned wood polisher. And while you're at it, oh you're reorganizing the snacks and fridge? Cool, don't care. Anyways. I'm still not turning your data on cause I don't physically want to care about that. Maybe you should get a job and move out already. Since you're doing jack shit nothing. All you ever do is disrespect us. Every argument we've had is all because you exist and talk and take up space and create dust and wear clothes. Bug just remember we had you and bought them all for you. Oh remember that it's our house not yours. But hey wanna clean the house since you live in it? Why don't you ever just wash your own clothes? I mean obviously we keep complaining about you using so much soap by doing so many loads but hey it's not like well totally say that every time you wash your clothes. SIKE! Why don't you hang out with us? All we talk about is the news, politics, why you should get a job, why you should go to college, why you're going to be as successful as your aunt who's struggling for jobs because she never went to college. Oh wait where were we? Oh yeah. You have your phone on you constantly. Why don't you look up a college? Ugh your so annoying. Just do what we say. We want you in bed by at least 2 am. Cause we don't care about your friends. And just to add insult to injury well just prevent you from having any data to text them back. But the WiFi still works. When it works. Duh. Don't worry it's not all true. Mostly. Most of it's just my thoughts filling in the gaps between their damn lies. All they ever do is deceive me. Why do they care so much about me getting a life if I don't want one? If they cared maybe they'd have gotten rid of me at 17. Before I, ya know, got into some dumb mindset that I've had since I was 12. Where I realized love isn't true, feelings are fabricated. Everyone will die. The world is doomed to explode someday, God probably isn't real. Your screwups are the reason I stopped believing in all those tales about teeth and gifts. We're a single speck of dust in the grand scheme of the universe and do nothing more than annoy the universe. Society is a ploy to keep us in line. Money is the only social construct we'll ever know. And that humans will always lie. But hey. It's a mindset I developed. It's apparently something I'm not supposed to have according to society. I'm not supposed to have thoughts. Or dreams. Or status. Or money. Because it'll all just disappear anyway. Actually why love anyone. If they loved me they'd actually know me. If they cared they drag me along even if I protested. If they knew what went through my head would they stay? Why do feelings exist, why do we have bodies, why are we judged by appearance, why can't we ever be happy, why are we doomed to fail, why is sex never the answer to anything, why is marriage an expensive declaration of someone's love, why is a funeral always an expensive declaration of death and guilt, why why why. Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why... I don't wanna die. I like my body. I want to live. I don't want to be cold. I don't want to feel pain. I don't want these emotions. I don't want life. I don't want love. I don't want to forget.

What was I doing?

Apparently losing all motivation. As well as bumping up the words from 901 to 2001. With just this rant. Kinda uhh... whoops?

This was made December of 2020 apparently. Huh. At least not much has changed.