Cheesecat log

Cheesecat Log: 5/31/30

There's so many random thoughts running through my head at night these days. I understand why the night guard in FNAF would go crazy after 6 hours now.

I've been so lazy... my eating habits I feel are making me grow shorter instead of taller... not sure how to feel about that.

I've thought so many times that I should write... or draw. Or do anything. But there's no motivation. And any time I think about my thoughts I feel nothing. I feel empty. Until eventually I freak out due to exta- mmm. What's it called? Ah. Death anxiety.

At least I've stopped talking to people about my problems. My problems are my own. And relying on others for help gets me nowhere I've realized. I've finally realized that I don't want help. I just want a release from this doomed reality.

Some days I just wish someone would shoot me in my sleep. Just so I could finally see what heaven looks like. Even though I know I'm going to hell. It'd be nice to know that there's an eternity after having to suffer once.

Don't wanna live, don't wanna die... don't wanna exist, but don't wanna live eternally. Everything is a oxymoron to me...

If I could physically grab someone by the neck and choke them to death whilst having them in a constant state of pain would they die from pain or lack of air. Or would they pass out so I could torture them. Burning bodies is a suitable way to rid things of evidence but marking isn't. But yet cutting people is closer to marking so would burning them be the better wee as u to rid people of their bodies? If a human functions strictly through the brain and heart long enough without other organs then couldn't you just relieve them of their skin and organs used for eating? Are all those torture methods in the Alex Rider series acceptable? Can you kill a person with 100 dollars of nickels? Can a human still live without their frontal lobe, toes and fingers? Does pouring concrete down a persons digestion system make them concrete inside? If a human lost all but four ribs would they still be able to live? It'd be a pleasure to watch someone turn black and blue. It'd be interesting to humiliate them. To break them. Destroy them mentally. Break down their barriers. Get inside, find out what's necessary and then hit them where it hurts. Make them regret meeting us destroying their self image. Pretending to know what they're talking about just to insult them later. Break their bones. Break their trust. Break their minds. Give them everything and yet nothing. Watch their smug grin die under layers and layers of pain as this grin grows in amusement as they pick up their shambled life. Watch them crumble. Watch them burn. Curse them. Make them insane. Let them breathe in the ash that I call my own. Cause pain. Cause suffering. Cause misery. Cause dread. Cause mistrust. Create chaos. That's what I'm good for. That's why I exist. Sexual tension. Sexual blockages. Boundaries. They're meant to be broken. Meant to be taken. Meant to be unleashed. People are temporary. Humans are temporary. Everything is so temporary that it hurts. So it's better to make everything hurt. Watch it all burn. Let it crash down in a ball of flame. If he can't trust them I won't either. There's no trust here. Only chaos.