mistletoe-grayson and hannah

neck kisses- both

a/n: warning- grayson has a panic attack. also mentions of non consensual stuff/ toxic relationships! idk just warning y'all!

hannah's pov:

jacob kept kissing my neck, but i felt nothing. my mind was buzzing and screaming stop over and over again, but i didn't want him to be mad at me.

grayson had already gone down into the basement. i want, no need to spend time with him before he leaves. i lightly shoved jacob away from my neck and told him i would see him tonight. he unhappily agreed, and exited my house. i sighed, knowing i had to break up with him. after all, i was in love with someone else. but someone i could never have.

"grayson?" i called out from the top of the basement stairs.

"han." he said weakly. i ran downstairs and into my room. he was against my bed and was hyperventilating.

i crouched in front of him and forced his eyes to meet mine. they were glazed over. he was having a panic attack.

"grayson look at me."

"i can't... i can't." he whispered, still breathing heavily.

i ran my fingers under his eyes and wiped away the tears.

"name five things you can see."

"your e-eyes, your window, the carpet, y-your hair, and your closet."

"good. okay now can you name four things you can touch?"

"the floor, your bed, the blanket, and your hands." he raised on of his shaky hands up onto mine, which were resting on his face.

"good job gray. you're doing great. now tell me three things you can hear."

"your voice, my breathing, and your brothers video games." he was still crying but his breathing was slowing down.

i grazed his knuckles with my thumb and laced out hands together.

" two things you can smell?"

"y-your perfume.... and your hair."

his hand was still locked with mine. his tears were slowing and his breathing was normal. thank god.

" one thing you can taste grayson."

"i-i there's nothing i can...." his breaths began to pick up. his grip on my hand weakened. he kissed my neck softly and i relaxed into his touch. my heart skipped a beat and i wanted to do this with him forever.

"your skin." he stated.

he released me from his grasp. and his loopy eyes met mine. "i'm sorry." he mumbled.

"god gray, it's okay... as long as you're okay."

grayson's pov:

why did i kiss her? i didn't have her consent to do that and i did it anyway. i probably made her feel uncomfortable. my stomach churned and i apologized to her over and over again. every single time she said it's okay.

"hannah. i-i'm so sorry."

"grayson, i said it was okay. you're my best friend and i want you to understand that you have nothing to be sorry about. you were having a panic attack for christ's sake."

"i don't deserve you."

"don't say that gray. you deserve the world. and if you can't see that then i am going to have to show you."

a/n: vote for the next chapter!