Reasons - m.c

Chapter 20

Birthday Eve

Michael's P.O.V

It was the middle of the night & I was sitting out in the living room writing on the couch, just with a small fire going beside me & the snow falling outside. I couldn't sleep. Shay had already gone to bed & she was curled up in my room. I tried falling asleep but I couldn't & I didn't want to disturb her with my tossing & turning so I came out here. I started the fire because I knew I'd be up for awhile so I figured why not make it cozy.

I was just thinking about all of the shit I've done to Luke, Calum, Ashton, our crew, my family. I still couldn't get over how big of a diva I became & the lack of respect I had for everyone.

I can't believe I slept with so many girls & that I took advantage of the free alcohol to the extreme that I did. That wasn't me. That wasn't me at all. The more I stayed in this cabin, the more I began to realize that & the more I saw that I was changing.

Old Michael was on his way back.

I had just finished writing my apologize note to Calum & then I decided to write in my journal that Ash gave me.

It was funny, when I started this journal, I was counting down the days until I was able to be home but now I didn't want to countdown. I was enjoying my time here & I didn't want to write the days away. 40 days wasn't enough time left.

40 days left-

I met Shay's grandparents & they were absolutely adorable. I felt very welcomed by them & Shay showed a cute side of herself around them too. I was upset that Shay doesn't want to spend Thanksgiving with her family but if she isn't ready to face that, then she didn't have to. She was in the process of working on herself & there was no rush.

She's sleeping in my bed right now, I can't sleep though. I'm missing my family & my home, especially with my birthday in two days. But I'm glad to be here with Shay. We need each other.

"Babe?" Shay stumbled into the living room, a blanket still around her, her eyes half closed. "Where did you go? I woke up & you weren't there."

"Sorry, I can't sleep."

"Can I come sit with you?"

"Of course sweetheart. Come join."

So Shay stumbled the rest of the way across the living room & laid right on top of me.

"What were you writing?"

"Oh, uhm I was writing my letter to Calum. & then I was writing in this journal Ash gave me."

"What do you write about?" Shay didn't really know about this journal.

"I guess it's kind of like a diary, I just write about what happened during the day, what I'm thinking about. There is a lot about you in there."

"Awh. Did you know I write too?"

"I didn't know that."

"Yea, I'm writing a book-ish thing about being 18 & learning to live sober in a world where your peers are just starting to drink."

"That's really cool Shay."

"That's what I want to do for a living. I want to write like advice giving, documentary type books."

"I think you'd be great at that."

"Thanks."

Her eyes were basically closed, I knew she was struggling to stay awake.