Joe and Dianne: My Suicide Saviour - Part 2

Shower thoughts

Dianne's POV:

I stayed in the shower for ages. I allowed the hot water to flow freely across my broken body. My thoughts attacking me from left, right and centre. No matter how many barriers I put up in my mind, every thought I had could break them down. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to let everything go but I couldn't. My body wouldn't let me.  

I eventually got out of the shower and wrapped a towel round my body. I was still cold and my bones felt like they were actually frozen. I grabbed a hoodie and a pair of my joggers before putting my wet hair in a messy bun.

I wasn't looking forward to what was about to happen. Joe was downstairs. As much as I loved him, I knew he wanted to talk about what had just happened. He was going to want to know why I felt like jumping. Why I felt like leaving the one good thing in my life. Why I felt like leaving Joe.

I braced myself for what was about to happen as I stood at the top of the stairs. I took in a deep breath as I walked down each step carefully. As I reached the bottom step, I looked over to Joe. He was sat on the sofa wearing nothing but a pair of Jeans. His bare chest looking strong. His hair was still wet from the rain and was flopped over his forehead. My god he was fit.

I cleared my throat causing him to stop staring into the distance and look up to me. I was surprised to see that his eyes were a deeper blue than ever before. They shone out like a clear summers day back in Australia. As I looked into his eyes though, I didn't feel at ease. I didn't feel at home. All I felt was emptiness.

Joe's POV: 

As I looked up towards Dianne I thought about what to say. I should be angry at her. She was going to kill herself. She could have talked to me but she didn't. She was going to jump without a goodbye. I should be furious with her. But I wasn't furious. I was admittedly pissed off but that feeling was being suffocated my the 20 other emotions I was feeling right now. I had to break the silence though.

"Di, sit down." I said trying to sound confident. I was usually immature and a joker, I've always hated confrontation, but this was a confrontation that I had to be a part of. I had to be an adult. Dianne slowly and quietly walked over and sat down next to me. I looked into her eyes and breathed out heavily.

"Dianne you know that I love you. You know that I would do anything for you, and care for you, and back you up in anyway that I can. You know that I'm here for you. I always have been, and I always will be. I might not be the most sensible person in the world but I will always listen to any issue that you have. I will give you advice and I will take on all of your problems, because they're mine too okay. I'd do that all no questions asked. Why didn't you talk to me Di?"

My voice was becoming chocked and shaky. Tears were forming behind my eyes, and I was to tired to stop them from falling. I waited for Dianne to give me an answer. There was a dramatic silence in our home that was deafening. I looked into her eyes, waiting for her to speak. Wondering what she was going to say.

But she never said anything. Instead she leaned in and pressed her lips onto mine. I was confused but I couldn't help myself but to kiss back. We stayed into the kiss before I realised what was going on. I stood up quickly and took a few steps away from Dianne. Leaving her sat alone on the sofa.

"Dianne you can't do that! You know how much I hate confrontation, but you can't just kiss me and assume that it'll all be okay again. You can't just tell me that you love me and then keep this to yourself." My voice was louder. But at the same time it was wobbly and tearful. I wasn't shouting at her but I definitely wasn't being quiet. "Di, you were going to kill yourself. You were going to throw away everything that you've got. Your career. Your family. Me."

"I almost jumped early last year but I stopped myself. I later found out that you were the reason that I didn't jump. You saved me and I didn't even know you then. But here we are 10 months later. I'm stood right here in your life, but you would still jump. Would you let everything we have go that easily?"

I was full on crying by now. Dianne was looking down at the floor as I spoke to her, but that last question peaked her interest. She stood up off the sofa as several tears began to fall down her cheeks. She looked stunned and lost as she spoke.

"Joe! Oh my god no. I love you and I would never give up what we have for anything in the world. I'm stood here now so unbelievably happy that you stopped me. I would never live down the fact that I left you like that. I would be mortified..." 

I cut her off with words that I had to say. "Why would you care Dianne. You'd be dead."

I felt the air get caught in my throat as I said it. I looked up to Di to see what she had to say to that.

She was crying just as much as I was now, if not more. Her voice was raised.

"Joe I don't know what you want me to say! It was a moment of weakness. I'd just been told that I'd lost our baby. I'd just found out that I'd let you down. Over the past few months you have taken bullets, and knives, and stitches for me, and I can't do the one thing that I'm supposed to be able to do as a woman. So what do you want me to say!"

She made a lot of sense. She was right. I'm in the wrong. I walked up to the crying red head and wrapped my arms around her. She cried into my chest as a few of my own tears began to fall onto the top of her head.

"I'm sorry Di. It's just you're scaring the crap out of me and I want you to be safe. Please promise me that you won't do that again. And please start talking to me. That's why I'm here."

Dianne nodded her head as she kept her face buried into my bare chest. She pulled away from me and looked up to me. Her tears falling slower now.

"I promise Joe."

She put her head back into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tighter as we stood there in our lounge trying to figure out what had happened on this shitty day.

Processing what we had become.