Joe and Dianne: My Suicide Saviour - Part 2

NO

Joe's POV:

I immediately looked away from her solemn eyes.

I didn't know what to say or do.

I thought that she loved me. I thought that Dianne would be happy for me to ask her to marry me. I was so tired right now, but with the thought of her saying yes, It was the most awake I had ever felt. But now that her words - or lack of her words - rattled around my empty head, I felt like an idiot. I felt like I'd ruined everything. I felt like walking to the balcony.

But before I left the room, I had to know why.

I closed the box to the ring, got up off of the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, keeping my eyes away from Dianne, onto the carpeted floor.

Dianne's POV:

His sad eyes drooped to the floor, I couldn't help but let a single tear fall from my eye. To say that I hated seeing Joe like this was an understatement. It broke my heart into several pieces to see the smile disappear off of his face. Even though I hadn't seen that smile in several days, I still could't bear to look at his face as he stared at the floor.

"Why?" Joe questioned. His voice was choked and he was obviously trying to hold back tears.

"Joe...I..." I stuttered, whilst trying to find my words. In an attempt to tell the one person who I could ever imagine marrying, why I can't marry him.

"Dianne if you want to leave me just go okay. I love you to much to fight for something that I know you're going to regret." His words were tearful and sharp. Despite all the physical pain that Joe was going through right now, I knew that this had hurt him more than everything else combined. I had done this to him - but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do.

"Joe you know that I love you, and If you had asked me this a few weeks ago, I would be saying 'okay, let's do it.' But now..."

"But now you're not saying it." The true sadness underpinned in Joe's voice cut me like a knife.

"No I'm not."

"Well why not Dianne? I love you more than life itself and I can't think as to why you don't love me. You said it yourself barely 5 minutes ago - I saved your life. I saved you from that fucker of an ex-boyfriend you have to deal with on more than one occasion. And I didn't do that because I wanted to look tough and strong or try and impress you.I did that out of nothing but love for you so WHY!!?"

Joe's speech hurt me. It made me seem like more than a bitch. It made me seem like a monster in his eyes. As much as I know that he's right, I know that I'm doing the right thing for him here. Both of our faces were covered in tears. I sat down next to him and held his hand. His eyes hadn't moved off of the carpet but I spoke to him. Honestly and softly.

"Because you're broken Joe. And you have every right to be. You have every right to be angry at me. But at the end of the day, you haven't slept in over 50 hours. You haven't eaten in god knows how many days. You don't need me to marry you right now, you just need me to hold you, and that's why I'm here. And that's why I said no. I can't marry you because I love you. I know that sounds insane but it's true."

I shuffled away from Joe and up to the head end of the bed, leaving him sitting at the foot of it.

"So please Joe, let me hold you. Let your body fall apart for a few moments and let yourself fall asleep. Don't be angry at me that I said no. Just be glad that I'm here for you now. Please Joe. Come here."

I held my hands out to him, as he turned around, the tears continuously falling down his pale skin. He slowly moved his limbs up to me and rested his head on my upper chest. His tears penetrating the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Will you stay then?" Joe questioned through his tears.

"Always." I replied to him.

Our bodies intertwined, I held onto my boy until both of our heavy eyes fell and sleep was graciously welcomed by our tired and broken bodies.