Joe and Dianne: My Suicide Saviour - Part 2

Bonus chapter - the wedding (pt 2)

Joe's POV:

I stood in the on-suite bathroom in the hotel room that Dianne and I would be staying in tonight after our wedding. Today was the day - the day that for so long I was certain I wanted to have, but now that it was here, I couldn't help but ponder if Dianne wanted it as well. Zoe's words from last night were ringing in my head - what if she was right? What if in a weeks time, or in 50 years Dianne realises that she doesn't want to be with me at all?

I looked into the large mirror in front of the sink and looked at my body. I wore nothing but a pair of grey joggers, leaving my chest exposed. I looked at all the scars on my body - all the stories that had been told and re-told. Yet at the same time never spoken of. The writing on my chest never really fading. The scars on my arms and stomach that I etched into myself for eternity after Evie ruined my life. The scars and cuts that were dug like trenches on the battlefield that I fought on to protect Dianne. The marks like a tally keeping track of all the times that I had let her down. 

I heard a succession of sharp knocks on the hotel room door. I quickly whacked on a hoodie in order to hide it all. Opening the door I found two people that I love dearly, two people that I didn't think would be coming to see me today.

"Hey guys come on in." Zoe and Alfie walked into the room and followed me through - sitting on a sofa whilst I sat on the edge of the bed facing them. There was an awkward silence as the remnants of last nights words came flooding back to all 3 of us, until eventually Zoe spoke up.

"Listen Joe - I'm sorry about last night. It wasn't fair of me to say all those things about you and Dianne. I know that you're in love and after all that had happened you two deserve to be happy wherever you are." Her eyes were drawn to the carpeted floor and I knew how guilty she was.  

"Thanks Zo. I mean...What if you were right though?" I felt my hands go clammy and my nerves begin to take centre stage.

"Joe what the fuck are you on about?" Alfie questioned looking up at me concerned.

"I can't do it - I can't marry her." I said bluntly. Almost surprised at how openly I said the words that I had to say.

"Come on Joe. Don't do this now - you love her don't you?" Zoe asked me.

"Of course I do Zoe, more than life itself. That's why I can't do it - I can't do it to her. If I marry her then she's stuck to me forever. Stuck to all of my issues and stuck to all of the shit that she has been through forever! She deserves better than that because she is perfect!" My voice was scratchy and I was on the verge of tears. I had never broken down in front of my sister and her boyfriend yet right now I see no way out of it.

"Really - she deserves better than waking up everyday for the rest of her life next to the one that she loves. She deserves better than to live her life in the safety of her husbands arms. She deserves better than to forget what had happened to her before hand with you right beside her?!" Zoe paused standing up in front of me and taking my hands in hers. "Joe she can't have better than that because it doesn't exist. If you bail on this wedding. If you bail on HER, she will never recover from it. She won't get a chance to try again because that would be the final straw. For both of you. So I suggest that you stay here with Alfie and get ready so that you can be there for her in that church 3 hours from now. So that you can give her the best that she deserves." She gave me a kiss on my forehead and walked out of the room. Leaving my best man to help me pick up the broken pieces of my life for one final time.

Dianne's POV:

I was stood in my bedroom in mine and Joe's home. I had just showered and I was standing over our bed looking at the beautiful dress I would be walking down the aisle in in roughly 2 and a half hours, as it was laid out on the sheets. It was a beautiful silky white, with a fitted bodice and a floated hem. It was absolutely stunning and fitted me in all the right places. As I looked at it I couldn't help but think of what Joe would think. He hadn't seen the dress and I only hoped that he was as excited for this moment as I was. I had sent Zoe off to go to the hotel and make sure that he was okay and ready for the big day we had ahead of us. After what happened to him last night I only hoped that his nerves weren't shaken.