Away from the past

I deserve better

April 16

"Glad to see you home after school, I feel like I haven't seen much of you during the week kiddo." My dad chuckles.

"I know. School's keeping me busy, plus my new friends." I say slowly.

"That's great, bean. I'm glad to see some genuine people in your life finally."

Talking to my dad will never get old.

Today Ellia gave me the sealed envelope that holds the gender of her baby. I put it safely in my room and it will stay in that place until I get the big reveal cannons. They will shoot out pink or blue powder that will fill the air. I know it's a little cliche but I think she'll love it.

I step out on our back porch. I haven't really been back here since we officially bought the house. I tried to visualize what it would be like if we had the reveal here. I still need to tell my parents about Ellia of course but I want to talk about that with her. I settled on a date for the party, May 5th. One thing down and a bunch more to go.

-

April 17

I get to school early to help out some of the freshmen with their fundraising for the school year. Every class has some type of fundraiser every year to raise money for future events. When I get to my locker, I see a brown box in front of it with my name and a bow on top. I get my locker open before I decide to open it. Inside is a stuffed teddy bear with my favorite kind of perfume and a note. Something in me doesn't feel right at this moment. My name was handwritten on top of the box and I don't recognize the writing.

The note reads: Hey my love, these last couple of months have been crazy, to say the least. I just can't wait to get back to you. I hate that we're apart, I shouldn't be in this place right now. It's been pure hell and I've been getting crap about what I did but you understand, right? I only wanted to get you back. I thought about it and I forgive you. I know you didn't mean to leave me because if you did we both know how angry that would make me. When I get out and it will be soon, I need you to come back to Silverleaf. It's not a question Liana, I know you're hurt but I did what I did for us. As long as you don't make me mad like that, it will never happen again. I love you so much and I can't let you go. We are meant to be together, everyone sees that. I called a few times but you ignored me, then I find out you changed your number, again. Don't be like that towards me baby, remember I love you and I know you love me too. I'll have my sister pick up a few gifts for you to show how serious I am. I look forward to reading your letter to me! -Theo

I actually start to cry a little. He's put away but his sister is willing to travel two hours, and trespass on school property just to harass me by giving me crap from her abusive brother. I just can't win when it comes to this family. I don't love him, how can that be so clear to everyone but him? Fear has taken over and this isn't the first time. I shove to letter into the back of my locker but throw the box and the gifts in the garbage. He isn't allowed to contact me and I know I need to tell right away but I don't have the energy to speak.

While helping with the fundraiser, I didn't have to talk much which is great for me. Now I have to go through the whole day with this weighing over me. At lunch, Jesse's talking about how good the track team is doing this year. I'm glad to see him loosen up since we first met.

"Hey, how does May 5th sound?" I say to them when the table gets quiet.

"For the reveal?" Jordi asks.

I nod.

"Sounds good. We can definitely do it at my house so the location is squared away and grandma insisted she gets the food so I guess you don't have to worry about that either." Ellia sounds genuinely happy.

That actually makes me relieved. Decorations and entertainment are really what I need to do take care of.

I have moments where I feel like I can't breathe. This day is one of the worst since the accident but the reason for me feeling like shit is always Theo.

I can't keep letting him be the reason I am unhappy, so many months of my life have been stolen and I won't do it anymore.

I deserve better.