Away from the past

One bad apple

April 27
I spend the morning with Ellia, getting ready to go to school and it's something that I really needed. We decided to have to reveal on May 5th which is a week from tomorrow. I got a lot of decorations already but I'm waiting until the last minute to get whatever we're doing the reveal with. She's due in September so we still have a ways to go. I've seen her grow more and more every time I'm with her and I'm not just talking about her stomach. I can see her excitement grow which makes me excited for her.

The weather is supposed to be nice that day and her backyard will be beautiful with decorations. She's isn't really giving me much instruction about how she wants the place to look but we both agreed not to over do it on the pink and blue which I'm okay with.

I can't wait to hear what names everyone picked. Again, I know we are young to even be thinking about babies but since Ellia is becoming a mom, the best thing for us is to just be there for her. Our little group right now is going through it to say the least.

School has been pretty low key lately but I know that people are still being "careful" around me. My school is pretty open with speaking on things like domestic violence. I'm just happy everyone is being informed, no matter if my story is being talked about in the mean time.

Later, Emily and I plan on hanging out together at her house. Every once in a while we'll go to the local shop or bookstore where we both can spend hours. I was thinking of inviting her to the gender reveal but I know it's totally not my place to do that. Elly wants this to be special with family and friends plus her and Emily don't really know each other all that well. On the other hand, I don't know how her mom would react to her going to a teenage gender reveal.

Emily does know that Ellia is pregnant though. Ellia is growing and people are starting to notice, I was a little surprised when Emily brought it up to me. I couldn't lie to her, I wasn't going either. I would never tell Ellia's personal business because it's her business to tell.

"So I know what happened recently and I just want to know how you're doing." Ellia talks.

"I'm okay. It's being handled." I keep it short and look away.

She stares at me until I look back up at her.

"I'm okay. Promise."

The amount of times I have to say that is quite honestly unbelievable. Will I ever be truly okay? Maybe when all of this is actually over.

-

Emily's mom offers us snacks and even talks to me for a while. Of course there were moments Em got embarrassed but I didn't mind it. I got to hear stories about her high school days and the guys she left heart broken. We laughed at that part and I didn't get weird hearing about relationships. I'm glad that she had experiences that didn't end in physical pain as far as I know. She shared her heartbreak experiences which is always hard to hear but she bounced back and is raising an amazing daughter who deserves so much happiness in this world.

Emily and I go to town just to walk around a bit and window shop I guess you can say. In our moments around town, our conversation is very different than usual.

"Are you ever going to date again?" She catches me completely off guard with this one.

"Uh, what?" I chuckle a bit.

"After everything you've been through, has it changed the way you see relationships and guys?  I know for me it would be hard to trust again but we're completely different so I want to know what you think."

We walk past a few stores before going into a little boutique.

"I mean I definitely have a different mindset after everything has happened but I can't hold all guys responsible, you know? If we automatically assume all guys are like Theo, we truly have no hope honestly. He's just one really bad apple on this tree with other apples who may not be nearly as bad. I want my body and my mind to heal first. As far as trust goes, I'm starting slowly because I know it'll take time and I don't want to rush myself, especially not on this. As far as dating goes, that's a huge question mark and I also am in no rush for that either."

I hope by me answering her questions, she knows that she can ask me more. I want people to be informed and to know it's okay to speak out.

"Makes sense. You're strong, do you know that? I hear kids in my class talk about you sometimes and it's not the typical gossip you'd think. The girls spoke about how they felt when they heard what happened to you and how seeing you for the first time since it happened made them want to cry. The boys could not stop talking about what they would've done if it was their daughter. Although us freshman can be pains and sometimes overly dramatic, we care."

Hearing what she's saying as she shifts through the clothes makes me smile.

"I know that and I appreciate it so much more than you guys will ever know."

That day we go back to Em's house and do absolutely nothing. I've been texting Jordi back and for a few hours as well as Jesse. In the beginning of both conversation it was them checking on how I was feeling then we presumed to our regular conversations.

Jesse has definitely played more of a protector role I don't think much about it but it doesn't go unnoticed. Our friend group is something truly special and my friendship with Emily is as well. I never thought I could be this comfortable in a friendship but you never know what can happen in life.