Away from the past

He won't let go

April 24

I sit in the empty chair near Jesse.

"It has been brought to our attention that a gift sent from Theo has been dropped off in our school for you." My principal starts the conversation.

Right now it seems this whole thing with Theo won't end. He has his ways of making everything awful.

"While we are investigating this matter, I on the behalf of this entire district want to sincerely apologize to you. We want to and try our very hardest to make every child feel safe while in this building."

This catches me by complete surprise. I didn't hope for an apology from the principal but I'm glad I got one. I didn't blame any of this on the school and I still don't. I know Jesse was going to tell if I didn't but he did say I had until the end of today. This situation is draining and it has been since the start.

"Everyone in this situation is very worried about you. We know you're used to dealing with this kid alone. That's all over for you now, Liana. He's our job now and we won't stop until he stops bothering you for good." One of the detectives assures me.

Something in me won't allow me to speak. This feeling is way too familiar and I don't like it. Silence, fear, anger, and exhaustion are all too recognizable. They tell me my parents are on the way and that makes my heart race even faster. All I want to do is plan the gender reveal, I just need everything to be finished so it's one less thing to worry about. I often think about what my life would be like if I would have just stayed away from guys, Theo in particular.

"Okay." This is all I manage to say. I get a feeling of sadness coming from Jesse and I never get a feeling like that from him.

April 26

My parents have been extra protective since they got called down to school the other day. I didn't go to any other class, they signed me out right away. We went to the police station then straight home. I get anxiety solely because how this is affecting my parents. They don't deserve to keep worrying about what's going to happen to me next. I've been hearing movement around the house sometimes late at night. I know it's my mom doing random things around the house because she can't sleep. I won't move again, I won't run anymore, this kid is in jail for crying out loud and he's once again trying to ruin me.

Jesse has texted me a few times. I stayed away from my phone just to be with my parents for a few hours. When I get to my room, I see his name in big white letters on my phone. I pick up without hesitation because again, I know he is only trying to help.

"If you feel guilty or bad in any way, don't. Don't feel like you have to tiptoe around me because of any of this. I'm in a shitty situation, I know that. I'm not perfect, my life is far from it and I hate to bring you or anyone else into it. So thank you for not turning a blind eye, for feeling the need to intervene, and for caring." I start off. I couldn't wait for him to greet me.

The line was quiet for what felt like forever.

"Silence can't be a factor in this situation anymore, Liana" his voice is firm. "If this thing is really going to end, you have to speak up when things like this happen."

"I know but sometimes its just easier to keep quiet." I let out a breath that made it sound like I was going to cry, which I was.
"I'm coming over." He says and this is where the conversation pretty much ends.

An hour after this conversation, I spent that time laying in my bed staring at the ceiling and just thinking. I wonder what my life would be like if I never went to private school. If I would have never met Theo and his friends, where would I be? Would my body feel like I was thrown against a wall? Would I fear that every person in my life will up and leave me because of all the chaos that is surrounding me?

There is a knock at my bedroom door and in walks Jesse. He looks different than I've ever seen him before. I sit up and he sits down.

"This isn't normal." He takes a big breath.

"I know that but this has been my life for years now. Disobey him, face the consequences and that was it. He always finds a way to come back. He won't let go and it's hard for me to get away."

"I think this, in some twisted way, is your normal. I think since you are so used to it, you don't try to do much about it anymore."

My eyes shoot up at him.

"That's not true!" My voice gets louder.

"But it is. You hardly speak about all of the crap he's done. You don't even seem phased when you hear the sound of his name. I think you're becoming numb to his bullshit."

I laugh in anger.

"Don't do that. Don't make it seem like this is something I don't take seriously. Do you know how hard it is to see the pain I'm putting my parents through. To see the lack of sleep in their faces? I don't want that for them."

Tears stroll down my face. These have been backed up from the time I moved here. I don't cry, showing my emotions isn't really what I do, especially to my friends.

"I know, trust me I do. This is what I need from you. I don't want to see you upset but you need to take your anger and other feelings you have towards him and use it against him. Take back your freedom, Liana."

I see what Jesse did and why he decided to piss me off.

He's right, I have to use it against him if I ever want control back.