Away from the past

"You're safe."

 
May 7th

Today was a pretty normal day. Ellia couldn't stop talking about her baby girl and how much she can't wait to meet her. After school everyone decided to come to my house and my parents are loving it. Ellia and I did talk to my parents the day after the reveal and she told them everything. I am so proud of her for really stepping and made sure to let her know. I told her that she didn't have to be the one to tell them but she insisted.

The tv is on, everyone is moving around, and our house is more alive than it's ever been in a while.

"We've just word on the Kaden assault case that happened in this very town of Coronado that the main suspect in the assault of a teenage girl has been released on bail. More details to follow." The spokesperson on the tv announces. I've never heard a room go silent so fast and I've never felt like my heart was going to give out.

Without thought, I run up stairs while my breath becomes more shallow. Tears don't come out, instead I am shaking and frantic all at once. I go into the guess room with someone following close behind me. Jesse comes in and instantly grabs me. He holds me for a long while and says nothing. While we are in the guest room, I hear the door slam downstairs which makes me jump.

"You're safe." Jesse says as he looks down at me in his arms still.

My thoughts are turning against me. Every possible scenario that is negative towards me is rushing inside my mind. The thought of my body being forced to the ground is prevalent again. I can't focus on one misfortune this human has caused me, there are so many and they each take their turn in making me sick.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I whisper. "I have to leave, I have to leave again." I say in a quick, low, frantic tone.

I forget Jesse in in the room for a second and the look on his face doesn't help what is coming out of my mouth. I back out of his arms and start pacing in the room.

"Hey!" He speaks in a firm voice. "I'm here. We're all here with you, Liana. You don't have to run anymore, okay? I won't let you. Since you've been in our lives, yes there has been some chaos but I wouldn't trade that for anything. We need you here, I can't lose you."

I don't blink because if I do then the tears that are collecting in my eyes will spill out and cause me to sob even more. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions. A big part of me wants to pick up in the middle of the night and  go far, far away. A bigger part of me knows I can't leave my life here. Even if I could, someone I can finally call my best friend is about to have a baby. My two other best friends are willing to protect me no matter what as well. I have this amazing freshman in my life who I absolutely adore and feel so close to. There's too much holding me here, this time won't be such an easy decision if I were to leave.

I hear more footsteps coming up the stairs and soon the guest room is filled with people, except dad.

"I knew when we got here this thing wouldn't be completely over. I just never thought it would be like this, everything is happening so fast and it's heartbreaking that I can even hear a door slam without being terrified that he's here for me."

The looks on their faces break me. Elly is holding her belly and that makes me thing my drama is causing stress on her precious baby. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's stress anymore.

After lots of talking, a few hours later everyone leaves my house including me and my parents. My mom and dad go meet with the lawyers and Ellia and Jordi go home. My parents did want me to be alone, not that I wanted to be, so I went over to Jesse's house. In so many ways he comforts me through this all, don't get me wrong, he always tells it how it is and sometimes he says things I don't want to hear but he always makes me feel safe.

I'm exhausted at this point. I know it and so does he. My eyes are swollen from crying so much and they even burn.

"You wanna watch tv? I know some new stuff just dropped on Netflix." He asks me.

I shake my head. "No thanks, I really won't be able to focus."

He gives me an understanding look.

Next thing I know, he pulls out a sketch pad and drawing pencil and hands it to me.

"I know it's hard for you to say how you really feels sometimes, so show me. Draw what you're feeling in this exact moment. Make me understand what's going through your mind." I look up at him while he's speaking to me.

For a moment I just stare at the paper. How do I express what I feel if I do fully know myself? I do pick up the pencil and start sketching something. Every now and then I feel Jesse's eyes studying me. It comforts me know he is here, I know Jordi and Ellia would do the same thing and I love knowing that too.

I manage to fill the whole page. I started with a face and overlapped it with a cloud. I added a few lighting bolts in there and I like how it came out. Total spur of the moment drawing but I got a sense of peace looking at it.

I hand the pad to Jesse while shrugging my shoulders because I don't know if he'll get it.

"Can I keep it?" His eyes meet mine.

"Yeah."

He lets me stay at his house for a while for a quick second, I almost forgot what made me so upset in the first place.

Almost.