The Unlikely Queens

Thirteen

I wake up in a way I never have before. I do not want to leave my bed. I do not want to speak to anyone any further about Buran or Zahid. The tears I cried last night are now a dried crust on my cheeks, around my eyes, and eyelashes. I am too tired to clean my face, although I slept more hours than I usually do.

I do not want to eat breakfast, which is also strange. I am always hungry when I wake up. I feel strangely out of place in my own bed and I know it is because I have grown used to Buran more than I realized. A small part of me wishes to go back there, but the rational sections of me know I do not belong. My emotions are so strange and confusing, I would barely know how to untangle them all to make the correct decision.

The days melt into one another. As soon as I wake up, the sun seems to go down minutes later. Except for checking in on me once or twice a day, they have left me alone with my thoughts. But today, Eleanora comes into my room with a letter in her hand.

"From the Sultan." Is all se says before laying it on the bed beside me and turning toward the door.

"Stay." I say quietly.

"Alright." She sits at the end of my bed.

I open the letter slowly, my breathing erratic. I am met with Zahid's neat, square writing.

Dear Georgiana,
I know it has been three days since you left and I should of wrote to you sooner, but I hoped you would of returned by now. It was not hard to guess where you ran off to. My love, I am so heartbroken that you left. I am so worried about you. I know why you had to go, it is very obvious, and I apologize for not trying harder to earn our subjects love for you. I know I have said this before, but I promise it will happen. Just come back to me and we will find a solution. Your ladies miss you, especially Fatima. The court is not the same without you. Please, please return and brighten Buran with your radiant smile. I love you so much, my Sultana. Hopefully, I will see you soon.
Your loving husband, Sultan Zahid.

"What does it say?" Eleanora asks politely. I hand the letter to her. She scans the paper and looks up at me.

"He wishes for you to return. You are not unwelcome there." She says in a surprisingly stern tone.

"I never doubted Zahid's desire for me to be there, but everyone else's." I explain.

"He promises to make it right. Trust your husband."

"You do not understand." I sigh.

"I understand very well," Eleanora stands. "You are the Sultana of Buran. You must go back. You have a duty to your people there."

"They are not my people. They are Zahid's."

"Will you at least write him and let him know you are well? That you are safe here, I mean."

"There is no sense in writing. If I send him a letter all he will do is beg for me to return and I will not do that."

"You are hurting your husband." Eleanora whispers.

"I know, and I desperately wish I wasn't. Please do not make me feel even worse than I already do."

"You do look very pale. Are you ill? Should I find Father?"

"No, I am fine." I assure her.

"You have been in bed for three days and you are barely eating. Father and I are worried. Join us for dinner this evening."

"I cannot. I am feeling a tad nauseas recently. But other than that I am fine."

"How could you possibly be nauseas? You have not—Georgiana, could there be another explanation?"

I glance at her alarmed expression and my heart misses a beat, "No. No, I cannot be—there is another reason, I'm sure."

"If you are not with child, what could it be? Why do you have an upset stomach if you have not eaten anything except for a few pieces of bread and fruit?"

"I do not know," I say nervously as I finally sit up from my bed.

"Does it feel as though you are with child?" She whispers.

I am sick to my stomach and I have not eaten a meal in three days. I am dizzy from just sitting upright. My emotions can only be described as an awful mess and my monthly bleeding was due many days ago.

"Perhaps I could be," I cannot believe this.

"All the more reason for you to return to Buran. The Sultan has a right to know you are carrying his child."

I am more frustrated than I have ever been in my life. The answer is obvious. I need to go back to my husband immediately, but is my happiness not important? Even though Zahid does make me very happy, when we are not together I am an outsider at his court. The peasants and farmers, the real people of Buran, they seem to truly love me. But that counts for nothing with the nobles, who I spend most of my time with.

Now that I am with child, I have no choice. I must go back. I have no right to keep this from my husband. Maybe I could stay here for a month or so until I am ready to face the court again. After all, I won't begin to show for a long time.

"I am going to finish dinner," Eleanora says, breaking me out of my trance. "Please join us, even if you are not going to eat. After we are done eating the Earl is coming to take me on a stroll in the park. Would you like to come along? I am sure the Earl would not mind."

"I will come to dinner, but I am not up for a stroll. How is the Earl? If your letters are any indication, he is making you very happy." I smile.

"He is," She smiles back. "I enjoy his company very much." She hands me Zahid's letter back and starts for the door.

She tells me dinner will be ready in the next five minutes and closes the door quietly behind her. I slowly stand up and shuffle over to my full length mirror. My sister was right. I am very pale. The bags underneath my eyes are more prominent than usual and my red hair is flat and lifeless. I place a timid hand on my stomach over my nightdress, feeling for any sign of a pregnancy. There's a slight bulge in my abdomen and my worries are confirmed. I am going to be a mother. I am carrying Zahid's first heir. He deserves to know. I owe him that after running away from him and our home. I look at my reflection and smile. I am going to be a mother. With the love of my life. If only I was not hiding from him.