He Saved Me

Chp 45

Mia's POV
I didn't know what to think. Daddy really hates me now... I could feel it. He's never been this harsh with me before. I know I messed up, but I still needed him. I would rather take 1,000 beatings over Daddy hating me. I cried into my pillow, thinking about how the rest of the night would play out. I didn't even want to go down for dinner. I know Prince and Blanket hate me now too. What if Daddy sends me back to my old family? I really messed up this time...
I looked around my room, convincing myself that spending the night in here alone won't be so bad. I don't know if I can do it. The thought of it alone scares me. I hate being left alone with these scary thoughts. I don't know why I pushed Daddy away. All I wanted in this moment, was to be held and told that he loved me no matter what. But what if he doesn't anymore? I really need him right now. I want to go find him and apologize again, but I don't want to leave my room and piss him off again.

Michael's POV
"We'll be there soon Mike," Janet confirmed. I was feeling like absolute crap. As much as I hated my family intruding on my life with my children, I needed to surround myself with them right now. Especially Mother. I need her to tell me that I'm doing the right thing. I need her to hold me. I miss her, I really do. I wish I had the time to spend more time with them. I don't care how old I get, I will forever need my mother beside me. She's my rock.
"Thank you Dunk," I replied.
"Anytime Mike, you know that. But um- Joseph is insisting on coming too. What do you want me to tell him?" she asked. Ugh. The last person I wanted to see was Joseph. He's partially the reason why I'm feeling like this. But I don't want to stop him from seeing his grandchildren. As crappy of a father he was, he's surprisingly an exceptional grandfather. I guess age changes you.
"Whatever, he can come if he wants. But Dunk, make sure he doesn't bring up borrowing any money... I-I just don't think I can handle that tonight," I said in a low voice.
"Don't worry. I'll make sure Mother drills it into his head," she chuckled. "We're already on our way, see you soon. Love you."
"Love you more," I replied. I'm glad my family was coming out. It's not like me to reach out and ask for help. But the way I was feeling right now, I knew I had to. I needed their emotional and moral support. I gathered myself and went downstairs to ask the staff to prepare dinner. Prince, Paris, and Blanket joined me downstairs. I told them everyone was coming over and they were super excited.
They don't get to see their aunts and uncles too often. I know they keep in touch with their cousins, but that's about it. Everyone's much older now and they all have children/jobs to keep them busy. Sometimes I feel like I helped raise a whole village before I had kids of my own. I have been there from day 1 for all my siblings' children. I changed diapers, fed them, played with them, helped them with homework, etc, the whole nine yards. I used to really think I was more than prepared to become a father.
But once I had my own, I realized how hard it truly is. I have so much respect for my brothers and sisters for that reason. Some of them had children so young, I know it must've taken a toll on them. It takes a toll on me everyday. Don't get me wrong, I love my babies more than anything in the world. I would take a bullet for them any day. But it's difficult sometimes. I want to believe that I'm raising them right, but I get scared that maybe I might be doing something wrong.
I bet Joseph felt like that too. All he had ever seen was poverty. To come from that, and raise 9 children must've taken the life out of him. There was a time when I used to hate my father. But after having my own kids, I began to understand him. He made many mistakes, more than I can count. But he did what he was taught and what he believed was right. He took us from a tiny 2 bedroom house in Gary, Indiana, to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I accomplished all my career goals on my own, but he's the one who lit that fire.
However, understanding him doesn't ease my pain. Years of abuse and neglect doesn't just vanish. And that's not something he can help me with. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. That's why I really struggle with disciplining my children. I don't want them to think of me the way I do with Joseph. But I also want them to be well mannered and good citizens. I don't want them to be spoiled like many of these other star kids.
Throughout the years, I had figured out my own methods and tricks to set my children straight. But Mia... it's like none of that works with her. I have to bring my inner Joseph out to get her to listen to me. And I feel so scared to do that. All children are different. And I know for a fact, that if I had Mia from her early years, she would never have to hurt like this. All her outbursts and tantrums stem from her abusive past. I want to heal my little girl, and I guess tough love is what she needs right now...