Brooklyn Nine-Nine

03 | Slow Days & Complaints

It was a slow day at the precinct. Even Yoongi made a comment saying that it was a slow day, which the officers found surprising considering Yoongi usually took a nap during his shifts. There were little to no crimes in Brooklyn and it made a certain officer quite bored.

"When can I fucking retire?" Yoongi asked, leaning back in his chair lazily.

"You're in your twenties," Hoseok pointed out.

Yoongi frowned at him. "Stop being homophobic, Sarge."

"If no one does anything illegal, I'm going to scream," Jungkook announced loudly.

Jimin scrunched up his nose. "Isn't it good that there aren't any crimes going on?"

Jungkook laughed. "No."

"Jimin has a point," Hoseok chimed in. "We should be glad that the city's safe on its own."

"You hate Jimin so stop supporting him," Jungkook said and stood up. "I want anarchy and I want it now!"

"Jungkook, take advantage of this slow day and relax," Jimin said with a sigh.

"How can I?" Jungkook asked. "Look, even Yoongi's awake!"

Yoongi stared at them with a dull expression. "That's because I can't believe you guys haven't fucked yet. Look at how shocked I am," he said, gesturing to his face which showed no trace of surprise.

"F-fucked?" Jimin stammered, his face flushing in embarrassment. "What did we say that made it sound romantic?"

Jungkook groaned. "Yoongi, cut it out. We don't like each other in that way!"

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at them. "I'm sorry, I don't remember there being fucking prerequisites for fucking."

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"This day is so boring," Jungkook whined, spinning in circles in his chair.

"Shut the fuck up, dipshit," Jin snapped. "I know it's a long day. We all know it's a long day. Just shut the fuck up and diminish your existence a little for the sake of my sanity."

"I'm going to spank you guys if you don't stop," Hoseok threatened.

Yoongi glanced at Hoseok and turned back around in his seat, facing Jungkook and Jin. "That was kind of hot. I feel like my dick just went through metamorphosis and turned into a butterfly."

Jungkook buried his face in his hands. "I could have gone the whole day without hearing that, but no, we can never have nice things."

"I'd rather go back to college and sit through a lecture than this shit," Jin said.

"That's good," Namjoon said, seeming to appear out of nowhere. "That means it's the perfect day to lecture you all."

Jungkook yelped and looked up at Namjoon. "Oh, would you look at the time? Looks like my shift's over," he said and attempted to get up and quickly walk away.

Namjoon stopped him with a single arm. "Not so fast," he said. "Let me give you my lecture."

Jin choked. "I was joking."

"This is something I've been meaning to do," Namjoon said. "I have a few complaints. First of all, I want all of you to start wearing ties like professional officers."

Yoongi raised his hand. "Can I choke Sarge with it?" he asked, ignoring the horrified look on Hoseok's face.

"If you wear a tie too, then sure," Namjoon said.