Brooklyn Nine-Nine

07 | Babysitters and Birthing Pt. 1

"I need a few officers to do a very important special assignment for me," Namjoon said one morning as he emerged from his office.

Jungkook raised his hand. "Do we get extra credit?"

"Taehyung chimed in. "Do we get a raise?"

"Do I get Hoseok's job?" Jimin added, not looking up from his screen.

Hoseok groaned quietly into his hands, rubbing his temples with his thumbs. "I need a fucking break..."

"You can always relieve stress with me," Yoongi offered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Anyways," Namjoon cut in smoothly. "I need three of you to cooperate with me."

They all looked at each other with terrified looks on their faces, except Jimin who was blazing with determination.

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"I never even raised my fucking hand," Yoongi said, eyeing the little boy that bolted around the immaculate hallway in Namjoon's house.

"I only signed up because you said we were going to your house," Jin said. "I came here to fuck, not be fucked."

Jungkook looked around the kitchen. "Yo, this kid drinks out of cups?"

"What's your name, squirt?" Jin asked the little boy.

"I'm Hitman Bang!" he piped up, swaying his toy airplane in the air.

"Sihyuk, don't cause too much ruckus." Namjoon adjusted his coat suit and then picked up his messenger bag. "It's going to be four hours at most. You just need to entertain him and he shouldn't be too much trouble."

"Your nephew is drawing a flower on my fucking ass," Yoongi said through gritted teeth and turned around, revealing Namjoon's smug-looking nephew with a red marker in his hand.

Jin snickered. "That's not a flower," he replied, impressed by the kid's dick-drawing abilities.

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"Jimin, can you stop glaring? You're affecting my aura," Taehyung said. "It's toxic and unhealthy."

"Fuck off, you wannabe, lame-ass hippie." Jimin scowled. "I deserved that special assignment."

"It probably wasn't even anything great," Hoseok said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "It's Captain Namjoon. He probably made them babysit his nephew or something."

Taehyung snorted. "Come on, that's boring. Even for him."

"See Jimin?" Hoseok pointed out. "I'm sure there's other stuff you can do to impress the Captain."

Why am I helping out this crazy little shit who keeps trying to steal my job? Hoseok thought. I must have gone mad.

The phone rang and Jimin nearly killed the phone trying to pick it up. He had an excited gleam in his eye as he set the phone down, standing up with a smirk.

"Two thieves are robbing a house and terrorizing a family," he said happily, placing his hands square on his hips.

Taehyung stared at him blankly. "That's not something you should be looking happy about."

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"Alright, kid," Yoongi drawled. "Put down the fucking knife before you gouge out your fucking eyes."

Jin groaned. "Yoongi, watch your fucking language," he warned.

Jungkook walked back into the hall after he used the bathroom. "Sihyuk, what's that?" he asked, watching as the kid ran around the room.

"A knife!" he exclaimed.

"NO!"

Jungkook chased him down, finally grabbing ahold of his waist and snatching the knife from the clutches of his fist before tackling him to the ground—safely, of course.

"It's nothing personal, Sihyuk," Jungkook explained as he put the knife away once he got off of Sihyuk. "Knives are just dangerous, okay? Play with this lighter instead."

Jungkook held out the lighter and smiled as the kid stared back at him with an incredulous look.

"You're stupid," Sihyuk said.

Jungkook dropped the lighter. "Listen here, you microscopic shrimp dick."

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Jimin held onto the steering wheel tightly, tapping his free foot giddily as he sped down the local street. Taehyung, who wasn't a big fan of Jimin's reckless driving, held onto the head of his seat, his face pallid. Jimin didn't seem to notice and swerved dangerously to take a turn, ignoring the fact that he was putting other people in danger, which was the complete opposite of what he was supposed to do.

Taehyung laughed nervously. "Haha, I'm in danger."

"No, Taehyung," Jimin said. "The family being robbed is in danger."

"This entire freaking road is in danger because you're driving like Dean Winters in that one Allstate commercial!"

"Keep talking and your ass is gonna eat concrete," Jimin threatened with a kind smile on his face, scaring Taehyung out of his wits. "Ah, we're here."

A loud scream rose from the building and Jimin and Taehyung were half-impressed and half-worried that they could hear it through the thick windows of the police car.

"Well," Taehyung drawled. "That doesn't sound good."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I literally fell asleep updating this. The second part will come out shortly.

I hope you're all doing well. I, for one, am so tired that I feel like I'm ready to call it a day and sleep.