| LUCID |

Chapter | Eighteen

Alex

Dear diary, 

I got my answer. it was the wrong choice that ended up hurting me. I made the mistake of feeling something for the one person everyone wants, and the person that wants everyone. I just keep repeating to myself 'your so stupid', which I know. I don't think I'll ever forgive him. I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but I have reasoning. Pretending to care, making me open up to you, me telling you things I have never told anyone in my life. I don't know. and I'm going to have to face him every day in the hallway, laughing with his friends about another girl he screwed up. another girl's head he got into and made fall for him. you know, maybe if my mom was here she could have talked some sense into me before I made this mistake. my mom always did that. she would stop me from making a stupid mistake before I did it to save me pain, knowing I didn't need anymore. but she's not, and she can't. I don't really know how I'm supposed to get passed this, maybe it will teach me something for the long road. 

         I hope. 

                                                             love, and hate, 

                                                                               Alexandra Parker. 

Two months later

Life has gone back to what it was before I met them. I'm quiet, get my work done at school, then go home to my room and sleep. I've been avoiding my family and my problems. I pretend Ryan doesn't exist, when he's actually home. I've seen them in the hallway every once in a while, but for the most part, they're all avoiding me as well. The day after it happened Ethan tried calling and texting, they all did for that matter. Once I ignored them enough, they took the hint and stopped. 

I walked into the coffee shop I loved with Elena. She knows about the whole situation now, and she's helped me through a lot of it. She's one of the best friends I've ever had. We sat down at our usual table and started on our coffee. "You know Caroline was walking around school with her neon pink thong showing through her white pants." Elena told me as she laughed through the sentence. I busted out laughing with her. My laugh isn't the quietest, so I got looks from people around us which made us laugh even harder. I love how she can make light of the situation. 

Ethan

I heard that familiar laugh across the coffee shop. I looked behind me and saw Alex and her friend laughing. People were side-eyeing her because of her laugh and her face turned red and she put her head down laughing harder. She hates her laugh but in all honesty, it's cute. I miss it. I miss her. 

"Earth to Ethan." Grayson waved in front of my face. 

"What, damn?" I snapped, clearly frustrated. 

"Who were you staring at?" He asked looking behind me. "Oh," He spoke in a low tone.

"I screwed up bad." I admitted, rubbing my hand through my hair, "We all did." Grayson agreed, so did Jackson. 

"I don't know who "we" is, I didn't do shit." Landon laughed in response to the situation. I rolled my eyes at him and swatted his legs off of the chair he had them on.