voodoo doll // c.hood

09; reliving nightmares

A M I T Y

Another song overly filled with self-pity and sorrow plays through the speaker of my stereo, expressing my current state and emotion. I am curled up in my bed at home, (not that this dump could really be considered a home), hugging my knees tightly to my chest and burrowing my face in them. After Colton's unnecessary verbal abuse, I decided to ditch school for the rest of the day, not wanting to deal with the incompetent, dimwits which infest it.

The next song begins to play, yet another depressing tune- wait. Why is Taylor Swift playing? It's not like I broke up with somebody. Well it sure felt like I did. I skip to the next song which is a classic by Lana Del Ray, returning the atmosphere to its mournful state.

It felt as if I had been wronged, as if my heart had been carelessly broken. All because of the lack of defence by Calum when his idiotic mate decided to badger me in the corridor. Calum just hung his head down low and didn't say anything. He practically hid from me, as if he didn't want me to see him. He was embarrassed and he knew he was wrong but that didn't stop him from acting like a complete coward.

Although we've only known each other for a short period of time, I thought we had at least something. I thought I found something in Calum which many human beings which inhabit the earth didn't possess. Not to mention the kiss we shared in my very own hideout. I guess we are just not on that level where we let other people know that we actually socialize with each other. Then again, I probably wouldn't bring him to hang out with Michael and I. This is just all to confusing.

I shield my face, trapping me in my own mind, my own thoughts, my own world. The remark which escaped Colton's lips, mentioning "Mummy and Daddy issues", cut deep and sent me into a mood that was only spiraling downwards. If you count your mum being a raging alcoholic and your father leaving you at the age of 14 as "mummy and daddy issues", then yes, I do have issues with my parents.

My door swings open, slamming against the wall to reveal my intoxicated mother, right on cue. A half-drunk bottle of rum was tightly gripped in her left hand, her right was holding onto the door frame in an attempt to keep her balance.

"Why in the hell aren’t you at school?" Is what I make out from her slurred words.

I sit up on my bed before answering. "I felt sick so I came home." I mumble.

"Don't use that tone of voice with me, young lady." She points at me with the glass bottle and raises an eyebrow.

"What tone of voice?" I question.

"Well, if you were at school and learning, you might just know."

I simply roll my eyes and cross my arms.

"You'll probably turn out like your no good father. He never had anything going for him. He didn't even deserve the right to be called a 'man'." She takes a swig of some more alcohol.

"Thank you, what would I do without your encouraging words." I say, sarcastically.

"Don't be a bitch. No wonder your father left without you." She chuckles to herself. "In fact, he left because of you. Now I'm stuck with you." She nods, chugging the rest of her drink.

Rage began to boil within me and just like that, I blew my top. "Who do you think you are barging into my room and yelling at me, telling me my father left because of me? That's not true, and you know it!" I yell. "He left because you're an uncontrollable alcoholic that has a short temper and is too hard to handle." I huff and cross my arms.

"How dare you!" She threw the empty glass bottle across the room in my direction. Due to her terrible aim, it misses and strikes the wall beside me, shattering into pieces. And with that, she stumbles down the hall way. It feels like a dagger was repeatedly stabbing and twisting my heart. I stand up and head for the door, stopping myself before I exit the room. I have nowhere to go, no one to help me. Just, no one at all. I take a seat in the corner of my room, making me feel small and inferior. I, once again, bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. It was too painful to cry, but it felt too pointless to scream. So I sat in silence, curled up in the corner.