year 4 | confessions

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A note which is folded into a bird flies into my hands when Snape is writing the ingredients of the potion on the blackboard. I open it slowly and carefully, trying my best not to tear the paper apart and be seen by the Potion Master.

I stare at the small piece of paper: 'Meet me at Astronomy Tower at 12 tonight.'

I look around to find the writer of the note, but fail. It's most likely a prank from the Slytherins. If someone wants to ask me out, why on earth he or she didn't sign or not even wrote their short form of his or her name?

Despite not seeing the note seriously, I decide to go to the Tower as what the note says. It's not a big deal to confront a stinking Slytherin.

I sneak out of my dorm, wearing my nightgown to the Tower, wondering who wants to meet me secretly and who played this silly prank if there is no one waiting me there.

It seems there is someone upstairs as I can hear the footsteps. He or she is pacing around, waiting for me.

I take a deep breath and go upstairs, surprised when I see a pale boy with white-blond hair. It's Malfoy. No one knows I have had a crush on him since our first year. I have to admit that I stares at him sometimes, but it can't be so obvious that I love him! How come the Slytherins have found that out and sent Malfoy here to prank me, taunt me?

Turning around to run away, I'm noticed and he grabs me by the wrist. I close my eyes to wait for the howling of laughter from him. He is going to tease me with his attractive but malicious and mock that me being a filthy Mudblood, having feelings for a noble Pureblood shamelessly.

Out of my expectation, the corner of his mouth doesn't even be raised. He doesn't smile or taunt me but bite his lips. He never looks this serious and sad.

Sad? Really?

We look at each other in silence. Finally, I take my wrist back from his grasp and get back my voice.

'Malfoy, what do you want?'

'You really hate me so much - running away immediately when you saw your date is me.' Says Malfoy sadly.

'Haha, Malfoy, you are the best actor in this century for sure!' I say coldly with a fake smile.

'What do you mean? You think I'm acting now?'

Malfoy walks closer to me and towers over me, then grabs my shoulders and pins me against the wall. I muster all my strength to push him away, but Quidditch has trained him so well, he is far stronger than me.

I give up at last and look at him.

'What do you want, Malfoy? You haven't answered me yet.'

'Confess my feelings,' He says simply. 'I hope you will forgive me about this.'

He leans closer and closer and his hands moves from my shoulders to my cheeks while his lips touch mine. I should feel wrong about it, but the kiss seems to have made my life complete. It's my first kiss and it is between me and Malfoy, who is forbidden to love.

Not knowing whether he is acting or not, I don't pull away nor kiss him back. I enjoy his fine lips on mine, kissing me softly while I know it may be only a way to prank me, to tease me.

He finally pulls away but still cupping my face in his hands, says, 'Sorry for disturbing you. I just want to say,' he swallows. 'I love you.'

He turns around and walks towards the stairs.

I stop him from leaving this time, hugging him from behind around the waist and placing my forehead against his back. I don't really know what I'm doing at the moment, my sane has gone.

He has succeeded to make me reveal my feelings for him. He is going to threaten me to tell the whole school and taunt me about loving a Pureblood.

Holding my hands with his head bowed, 'What does this mean? Pity for me?' he mumbles. 'I don't need your pity. Unrequited love is not a big deal at all.'

Is it real that Draco Malfoy loves me? Is it real that it's not a prank? Is it real we love each other? Is it -

Seem like he can read my mind, he says, 'I know you won't believe what I've said, but I do love you.

'I've fell for you at the first sight on the train. You are pretty, brave, smart, loyal... You are perfect. No matter what family you are from, I love you. I love all the things about you, except one - you don't love me back and even hate me. It breaks my heart but I can't stop loving you. Every night, I promise myself not to think of you and love you, the next day morning when I see you smiling at the Great Hall, I just break the promise again and again. I didn't plan to disturb you or earn some pity from you, I just want to tell you what I feel for you. (Y/S), (Y/N), please let me call you by your name once, I love you.'

He lets himself go and leaves me behind.

I can't hold my tears anymore. I'm the worst, knowing nothing and even suspecting him telling lies and acting.

'I love you!' I shout, tears streaming down. 'I love you, Draco Malfoy!'

He is as stiff as a statue now.

'I've had a crush on you since our first year! Although you are a complete asshole, I can't help but fall for you. I don't know you will love me back, I never know you think about me this way. I was afraid to be hurt and didn't have the courage to tell you my feelings. You know, we are different. I'm a Mudblood.' I sniff.

He walks to me and pulls me into his embrace. Hugging me tightly as if I will run away anytime, he places his chin on the top of my head.

'Don't call yourself that. I don't care about that stupid blood status thing now, I just care about you.'

Pulling away a bit, he stares into my eyes with his silver ones with love and concern, then leans in to kiss me. This time, the kiss isn't tentative anymore but passionate. I close my eyes and smile between the kiss.

Now, I'm really complete.

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