10 Feet Down (Original Version)

Chapter 9

I am me because God made me that way. God makes everyone the way they are supposed to be. If you ask me why I believe in God in the first place, I would say that I believe in God because I have no reason not to believe. I have witnessed miracles and impossible things in my life that have made me believe in a higher power. My brain will not think of another way that we are here on this earth. My rationality is everything has to come from somewhere and has to be created. But in order for things to be created, there has to be a creator or maker. That's why I believe.

I also believe because I was raised to believe. I grew up in my church and my family was very strict on religion, so I didn't know anything else besides religion. I believe in most things that my parents believe, but there are things that are different that I believe in that they don't.

As I have come to college, I have noticed myself questioning things more. Being away from home and what I have known for so long, I am constantly questioning if what I think and believe is what I should really be believing. I understand life outside of my religious bubble. I have already gained new experiences that I never thought I would and I am eager to see what will be coming up next in my life.

As I walk around campus, I ask myself why I am so shy and independent. Other people have a lot of friends and social lives while I only have two and don't have much of a social life, if you call doing homework on the weekends and reading my bible a social life. I sometimes wish that I was different. I wish that I wasn't me and was someone who was more outgoing and prettier. I wasn't allowed to speak about my looks at home and I was always told to look presentable and professional, even when at home. Now, I feel more insecure than I have ever felt in my life. I feel lonely and homesick. I am doubting myself and not thinking clearly. I am trying to keep my focus, but when I se run mind on something, I can't get rid of it, even when it gives me all the reasons to not think about it anymore.

Maybe I'm not doing this assignment right or maybe I'm thinking too much into this. I always overthink. It's hard not too when you've been surrounded by one constant thing your entire life.

I want to learn more and I want to be more than I am. I am Evangeline Rose West and I want to be someone who makes her name proud. When I look back on my life, I don't want to have any regrets. I want to look back on my life and be proud and happy for the things I accomplished and the memories that I made. Have I gotten there yet? No. Will I eventually get there? Hopefully.

"Alright everyone, please turn in your assignments." Professor Garrett says as students send their papers to the first row.

I grab the stack of papers in my hand and then nervously place my paper on top. I don't know if I did the assignment right. I hope I did. Maybe I got too vulnerable. I just wrote what was on my mind and so much came out I couldn't stop it from flowing onto the paper.

"I look forward to reading all of these." Garrett takes the stack from me and sets it in his desk.

"Okay so now we're going to get into the more scientific approaches to philosophy-"