"He's my fire and I'm his gasoline. We're just meant to be together."
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Originally completed 1.31.21.
CURRENTLY BEING RE-WRITTEN
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Trouble Finds You - Juliet Simms Oh Lord - In This Moment Medicine Man - Dorothy No Church in the Wild - Jay Z
I never thought about how I would die. It scared me to think of death and how every day someone in the world stops breathing. Their heart just stops beating, they're body shuts down and they become a lifeless shell. Your heart can stop beating, but your brain will still function for minutes after your death.
It takes four minutes for the brain to sustain extensive damage from oxygen deprivation. When the heart and brain both stop working, organs go into critical condition. Most organs are viable for 6 hours after cardiac arrest and brain death, except for skin, bone, and tissue which are viable for the first 24 hours. It's almost beautiful, how even when you're dead, you could help save another life from being lost.
I don't know how I'd want to die. I've never had to think about it. I've never dealt with death before. I experienced a different type of loss in my life, but nothing that came even close to death. Death leaves a permanent scar inside your heart. It almost doesn't seem real when someone you know dies. It's hard to fathom. You don't want to believe it. You can't.
If I died, I think I wouldn't want to feel any pain. I'd want to be surrounded by the people who loved me and I would want to go quickly. I would never want a slow, painful death. But I don't want to die yet, I have so much of my life to live. I have never understood the concept of death—Why do some of us die young and others get the privilege to live until they're old and grey? Why do the best ones always get taken away first? It's so unfair. It's cruel.
And when we die, where do we all go? Nobody truly knows for sure. Everyone has their own beliefs and interpretations of the after life. I believe there is a heaven where all the good people go. I don't know if it's the golden paradise that the Bible said, but there's got to be somewhere we go to spend forever in. To me, it's more comforting believing in some kind of afterlife, than nothing at all.
We eventually leave one life and then go to another. At least I hope we do.
Death is terrifying, but the mark you leave behind is even worse. You leave behind your old life, your loved ones have to continue to live without you. They have to deal with the aftermath. They deal with the grief and emotional turmoil of the scars you left behind. There are seven stages of grief: shock, denial, guilt, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. I've never grieved from a death before, but I've grieved the loss of someone who's still alive. I don't know which one is worse.
Everyone grieves differently, but it's human nature. Grief and loss is normal. It's the dark cycle of life. At some point, we all will die.
It's a bittersweet inevitable end.
Life is so precious, but it can be taken away in an instant. Most of us don't even realize that before it's too late.
My mind is clouded with worry and fear. My feet loudly pound against the pavement as I run through downtown. I run for blocks and blocks, not even paying attention to my surroundings and how many people I have to weave around. My adrenaline is pumping fast so I don't even feel the ache in my legs yet from all of the running. I don't care about how hard I'm breathing and how hard my heart is beating against my chest. I don't care about anything, I just need to get to him.
