10 Feet Down (Original Version)

Chapter 34

Shameless - The Weekend
Take Me To Church - Hozier
You Should Know Where I'm Coming From - Banks

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Tre

Loss is a familiar feeling to me. It's nothing I haven't felt before. I'm used to it. I lived most of my life suffering and feeling the pain settled in my chest. At first, it fucking hurt like hell. I was on fire, constantly burning until I was a pile of ashes. It was like there was a knife always stabbing me, each time something bad happened, the knife went deeper, cutting through my organs until it penetrated my heart. Every time someone got shot, every time someone left the neighborhood in a black plastic body bag, every time a life was taken, the knife twisted 360 degrees, cutting into my flesh until it reached bone.

You get used to the pain after a while. It doesn't take long to get used to living in a violent world. When you grow up in the dark, you learn how to see in pitch black. You learn how to live alongside the monsters. Eventually, spending so much time in the dark will force you to become one with the darkness. When you live surrounded by monsters, you turn into one of them.

I used to be afraid of the monsters. They weren't just outside, prowling down the streets, they were inside hiding underneath my bed. They were in my closet. Most nights they would come out and wake me from sleep. I'd watch them crawl in through the windows,  crawl out of their hiding places and stand over my bed. Shadows hovered over me and I would clutch my bedsheets tightly in my hands, closing my eyes so I didn't have to see the glowing red eyes. They didn't come out every night, but I couldn't ever sleep. I'd hear noises outside, like they were coming to get me. I was filled with fear that they would break in and take my mother away into the darkness.

I wanted to protect her. She was the light that made the monsters go away.

She was the first person I ever loved. She had a gentle smile and her eyes showed kindness. Love radiated off of her. She was the sunshine after a rainy day. She always knew the right thing to say and do. When I felt upset or angry, she would either hold my hand or softly rub the back of my neck. It always calmed me down and made me feel safe. She was my home. She did her best to make sure that me and Daniel were safe and came back home to her every night. She made sure that we both felt love, even when everything else around us was anything but love.

I would have done anything for her.

I'd have nightmares of her being taken away by the monsters roaming outside. No matter how fast I ran and how loud I screamed, I couldn't get to her. She was always one step out of reach. I'd wake up from my nightmare breathing heavy and I would lie awake for hours after, thinking of what I could do to protect her from the monsters. They wouldn't take my mom away. I wouldn't allow them to.

I was naive to think that my 8 year-old self could protect my mom from the dark forces of life. My constant nightmare soon became a reality. The monsters didn't break in and take her away. Life killed her instead. It murdered her in the one place we were all supposed to be safe in. It left her on the floor, cold and drowning in her own blood. Brain dead. Lifeless. A shell of what she once was.