10 Feet Down (Original Version)

Chapter 18

"You know what I've noticed?" Sam asks me as we're both sitting on our beds, watching Netflix on our small screen tv that's sitting right in between our two windows.

"What have you noticed?" I ask, crumpling up my crackers wrapper and tossing it into the trash bin next to my bed.

"You haven't been reading your bible as much as you used to," she says. "I mean, not that that's a bad thing or anything like that. It was just something I noticed because you took it with you everywhere you went."

I look over to my desk where my bible is sitting on top of it near the wall by my other textbooks.

I sigh. "Yeah, I don't know. I haven't been feeling like reading it as much anymore."

I don't know why but I have not felt the want to pick it up and read the scriptures that I already know by heart from having to memorize them when I was back home growing up. When my parents ask me if I'm still reading it everyday, I tell them I am, but I really haven't read in a few weeks now. I feel guilty about not telling my parents the truth, but I know they'll get angry with me if I tell them I haven't been reading. I don't want to see the disappointment on their faces and then hear them tell me that I need to do better.

"You can read something else," Sam tells me. "You don't have to read the Bible, if you want something else that's spiritual, you can read that instead."

I appreciate her wanting to support and helping me. I hadn't really noticed that I wasn't reading it, which is surprising because I read it all the time. I don't know how I didn't notice I stopped picking it up to read.

"I don't know how to explain it Sam, but I don't think I even want to read anything spiritual right now."

I'm trying to get my thoughts together but they're all jumbled and I can't pinpoint what I'm thinking or feeling about this right now.

"It's okay to not to want to read that stuff right now. You've read the Bible through and through how many times now?" She asks and then continues. "You've memorized probably every single line in that thing and can read it with your eyes closed. It's okay to put it down and take a step back from it. You don't need to read it when you already know everything in it."

I rub my forehead. I can feel a headache coming on and I sigh again and turn on my side to face her.

"I feel guilty for it and lying to my parents about it."

"You're feeling guilty about something that your parents forced you to read and shoved down your throat your entire life?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

"You wouldn't understand," I weakly say. "It was all that I knew and did. And it was such a huge part of my life up until like three or four weeks ago when I didn't feel the same way about it anymore."

"Four weeks ago like when you happened to start being with Tre?"

I look directly at her. From the look on her face, she knows she just hit the nail on the head. Since I started to spend more time with Tre, I haven't felt the urge to pick up and read scripture.