Falling | Olajide Olatunji/KSI

Diagnosed| 11

After the day before, I was exhausted, spiteful and quiet. I stayed locked away in the spare room, wanting a punching bag for myself.

All alone again

"Stop" I whispered, gently tugging at my hair, my fingers shook from the ferocity of my hits last night. My hands burned for more, i never enjoyed exercise, but boxing gave me a thrill of excitement and peace.

I tapped on my phone, switching it on and went straight to google. 'Do I have depression?'

Multiple quizzes loaded and I clicked on the most professional one I could find. It would make sense if I did have depression, the constant negative nagging of my head.

After a few minutes, the quiz came to a conclusion, a very likely 'yes' popped up on screen. I frowned, not thinking I'd actually get that result.

I scrolled through my contacts, still noting that I had my counsellor's number. I dialled without thinking and my heart thumped with every ring.

"Hello? Is this Kiara?" His smooth voice cut through my worries, I exhaled and focus on his words. "What can I do for you? We haven't seen eachother for a while"

"Is it possible if I could see you, and you book a doctor's appointment for me?" I sounded meek, my bottom lip quivered, not just in upset, but in hate too. How did I never think of it before? My counsellor always thought I had anxiety, but I had never explained to him about the negative thoughts.

"Yes, of course. Where would you like to meet?" I pondered for a moment, my apartment was ruled out, but the house wasn't.

"I'm not sure. I just have to ask someone a question, I'll call you back" I murmured and lifted myself up from the bed, my balance was off as I did so. Switching off my phone, I hobbled down the stairs and searched until I could find someone. "Talia? Simon?....JJ?"

"I'm here!" Talia responded with a chirp, her head popped out the kitchen as she sent a grin to me. "What's up?"

"Could I have someone come over?" Her face morphed from surprised to teasing. Blood rushed to my cheeks from her expression, and I immediately regretted phrasing it that way.

"Why so timid? Of course you can" she giggled and swatted at my shoulder. "So...who's the lucky man?"

I vigorously shook my head in denial. "No, it's not anything like that. He's a counsellor, I didn't know if you guys would be comfortable with a person over?" I squeaked and bit my lip hard, Talia must've been questioning how I could be this awkward.

"Of course! Sorry for assuming" she embraced me, "I hope you're alright. We don't know each other well, so I was wondering if we could have a girl's night soon?" She offered gently, biting her lip and sending a heart warming smile.

"I'd love that" I replied honestly, leaning forward cautiously to blend a bit of her foundation in. "Sorry!" I spoke sheepishly, "I just thought I'd help blend it"

"No need for apologies, you saved me some embarrassment" she winked, "Now get your counsellor over" her last grin brought me back to reality, I dug in my pocket, trying to concentrate on finding my phone and not Talia's retreating footsteps on the marble floor.

I dialled his number once again, leaning uncomfortably on the cold staircase. "Hey Reed, I'll send you the address of the place I'm staying at."

"Right. I'll see you soon" I could almost feel his happiness on the other side of the phone. He was too happy for his own good. A sound rang in my ear, indicating that he hung up. I smiled gently to myself, getting ready to participate in the waiting game.