bad luck // dan howell

twenty-four

"This baby can fix us." He said. I looked into his eyes, they were, once again, full of hope.

"That's the thing! I don't want to even be with you, let alone have a baby with you! Do you think I'm happy about this? You broke my heart, lost my trust, and I just can't do this." I told him, sitting down on the bed. Tears were threatening to spill.

"Are you going to get rid of it?" He said with a pained look, "That's my child, you can't do that."

"Calm down." I sighed, "And it's my body, if you haven't noticed. If I wanted an abortion, you wouldn't have a say because my body, my choice. Plus, you ruined your chance on any input for choices for me already." I looked up at him and his eyes were fixated to the floor as he leaned against the wall. He looked back up at me.

"I'm not getting an abortion, you know I don't believe in that." I breathed out and looked up at him.

He looked so different.

Leaned up against the wall, the light from the window hitting his face just right, illuminating his features. His hair was shining a lighter color brown than you saw without the light, his eyes shone, too, the flecks of gold color in them more prominent. But, the bags under his shown his tiredness of it all. The inner and outer corners of his eyes were raw from crying making his angelic features more sutle from his mere human features.

His arms were crossed, more bracelets on his wrists than usual made my heart skip a beat because I knew the strategies of hiding them.

"I took like 4 pregnancy tests and they were all positive, but I still want to go to the doctor." I broke the silence.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked quietly. The atmosphere had changed yet again, from anger to sincerity.

"I wanted to go alone," I said and he sighed, "but you can come. You're staying in the waiting room, okay?"

"Okay." He answered.

"I'll go call them." I said getting up.

"Okay." He got up from the wall and put his arm around me, leading me out. Butterflies erupted from my stomach, "It'll be okay."

And at that moment, I figured it out.

I fucking hate Dan.

But I still fucking love him.

//

I grabbed my purse and threw my phone in it. Dan lead us out of the flat and to the pavement. I made no attempt to start a conversation, as it would end as soon as it started.

It was fucking cold. It was already January and it was fucking cold. I pulled my jacket closer as my teeth chattered. Dan and I looked at each other and he wrapped his arms around me.

The pavement was crowded and we were constantly bumping into other people from our odd posture. Cold met me again as Dan was yanked from me. I spun my head to see Addie.

Addie?

Suddenly, I tripped and I shot my head back toward the direction I was walking, or falling now.

"Holy fucking shit balls." I muttered as I laid on top of some trash bins, everyone staring.

"Zona, are you okay?" Dan said, quickly walking over with Addie.

"Yeah-" Pain shot through my abdomen and I clutched it with one hand, the other being pulled up by Dan. Pain hit me again and I grabbed Dan to keep me from falling.

"Right now doesn't seem like a good time, I'll see you later." Addie said as she turned away.

"I really just need to sit down." I said to Dan.

"The doctor is just a little farther." He answered and I nodded.

I took deep breaths to keep from looking like I was in as least pain as possible until we got to the clinic. Once we made it inside, I signed and sat down. Dan held my hand and rubbed circles over my knuckles.

"You two are a very cute couple." One lady sitting across from us said.

"Oh, we're not-" I said, looking at Dan.

"Together." He finished. The lady looked at us strange and confused then turned away.

"Arizona Grey." A nurse said and we got up. I looked at Dan and he hugged me, kissing my forehead when he pulled away. I walked away with the nurse.

She lead me into a room and checked my blood pressure and heart rate, scribbling things onto a board.

"Doctor Thomas will be with you in a minuet." She said.

"Wait, do you mind if I use the restroom?" I asked.

"Go ahead." She said, then left. I got up and went inside, locking the door. I sat on the toilet and noticed my underwear, stained with blood.

My heart jumped and I began to clean myself up.

I came out of the restroom to see the doctor, "Arizona?"

"Yeah, that's me." I said, taking a seat.

"So, what can I do for you?" She asked.

"Well," I sighed, "I came to, um, see if I was truly pregnant."

"Oh, okay, let's set you up then."

"But, I think we need to-" I stopped, looking down at my shoes.

"Yes?"

"I think I've had a miscarriage."

(GAH DARN YOU ADDIE YOU KNOW SHES CLUMSY YOU CANT JUST POP UP LIKE THAT :(

-abby)