˗ˏˋMEDICINE ˎˊ˗ 【 Little Space 】taekook

🦋XXIII - ˗ˏˋJohnˎˊ˗

Mrs jeon pov

Jungkook was a happy child but most of all he was a normal child. It wasn't until highschool when everything started to go downhill.

He was the popular kid in highschool, everyone loved him and of course everyone wanted to be friends with Jeon's one  child.

When Jungkook turned 15 he got diagnosed with depression.
No one in the family has had it before so it was a complete shock when the doctor told us the news and how it is evident, none of us knew how to act.
We didn't want him to feel as someone different  so we didn't insist when he rejected all the medication the doctor had prescribed. He hated those pills, he always complained about how they didn't help him feel better, in fact it made him feel worse.

Whether he was telling the truth or not the problem didn't get worse until Jungkook turned 17, cause that's when he met him.

John.

Jungkook has always had a thing for foreign beautiful men so when John, a young brithish exchange student in love with korean culture appeared in his life he decided he wanted to keep him.
And Jungkook always gets what he wants, even when that something isn't good for him.

Not even 3 months passed by and Jungkook and John were already inseparable. Wherever John went Jungkook would go too. John was Jungkook's brightest light and he followed him everywhere.
They had so many big plans, real ones. All Jungkook thought about was John, he needed John's company to be happy. It really scared me to see it happen. I was afraid for him. I knew once John was gone then Jungkook would be gone too.

It scared me because I was unsure about their relationship.
I witnessed all of the times Jungkook arrived crying into my arms because of something John had said or what he hadn't said, or done. Jungkook has always been sensitive but the way he cried about John was not a whiny joke.
He shed real tears. I could feel the pain inside of him with only holding his small body in my arms.

That's when I developed a certain level of discomfort over John. I doubted his claims of loving Jungkook. Why was Jungkook crying so much for him? Someone who loves you doesn't make you hurt. Not the way John did. I thought their relationship was awful, it just wasn't balanced enough, you know? Jungkook gave all of his persona to John and he was his one and only source of happiness, but John was so much more independent. I was afraid John would want to be set free from Jungkook eventually. I was afraid of Jungkook's reaction.
Of course John would leave Korea after a year. And Jungkook was so vulnerable, so attached to him... I didn't want to see it end.

I told Jungkook millions of times "just let go baby, you can't live your life in his eyes. People come and go" but he didn't listen to me.

John didn't love Jungkook. John loved the feeling of being loved. He never gave Jungkook any type of  appreciation back. I'm sure he gave him for granted.

I tried so hard and so many times to make Jungkook realize he was in a toxic relationship, a one sided one but there was no way he would even consider my words. He was too deep in love.

One night, Jungkook came home with a big smile on his eyes.

He didn't need to say anything before I knew what was coming. I knew my biggest fear was taking form in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything to make it go away.

I still remember his exact words. It still haunts me everytime I close my eyes. That was the day I lost my baby.

"Mother, father. I'm going to London with John"

It felt like my life was over. I screamed, cried, even begged him to at least rethink about it but he was stoned in his decision of leaving.

He was leaving his family, his studies, friends, everything he had worked for and everything he loved for a temporary lover who didn't love him back.

I couldn't lose my baby. I didn't care if he hated me, I detailed all of the disadvantages of his decision to make him change his mind. I didn't lose faith.

But he was so confident about it all my biggest efforts didn't even put the slightest doubt on him.

He was too deep into John. Too deep into hell, deep enough not to be able to see more than his stupid fantasy with John.

At that time Jungkook was already 18 and as a mother I couldn't legally force him to stay. I had to see my boy go with tears in my eyes, knowing the moment he crossed the door out he would never be the same. Jungkook would die and become John's property.

John's toy.

I witnessed him go. I never felt so impotent and I never left so much pain in my life.

I don't know what happened in London. Jungkook never told me but I know well that when Jungkook came back once John ditched him there was no trace left of him. It was like Jungkook, my son, hadn't ever existed .

Instead I had a 6 year old twin boy walking around home, bunny ears, colorful drinking bottles, coloring books, plushies... It seemed I was regressing 15 years of lifetime with him.
As much as I tried I couldn't get used to it. I refused to be anywhere around him cause everytime I looked at him I saw my failure as a mother.

I tried to contact John plenty of times but it just seemed as he had left earth, he wasn't to be found in any place of the map.

Eventually I stopped looking, would it make any difference? Jungkook was already hurt and I don't think even John could help him now.

Yes. I blame John for what he did to Jungkook but above all I blame myself. If only I had given Jungkook the love and attention he needed... He would still be my Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook.

Sometimes, Taehyung, when I look deep into his eyes I feel like he's still there... trapped in his innocence, but still there. And I beg everyday for him to come back. I just want to talk to him once again, just one last time.