the period from sunset to sunrise in each twenty-four hours.
synonyms:darkness, dark, hours of darkness, night-time, dead of night
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8:00 pm Busan
"What the fuck!?"
"What were you thinking!?"
"Why would you hurt yourself like that!?"
Jennie stays sat on the floor, eyes darting back and forth between me and everything else. Her hair is pushed messily to one side and lips still damp. Moisturised by what I'm guessing is saliva. Her own spit.
She looks sad.
But I'm too angry.
I'm sure there are more reasonable people who would react with sensitivity rather than fury - maybe meet her puppy eyes with tears and worry. Not that I'm not worried! I am! I'm terrified for her. Nervous and troubled by the extremity of this.
That's exactly why I'm so damm angry - I hate that she felt the need to push herself this far. Hurt herself this much.
And I know why... I'm not blind. I've been so aware of her fear of eating and gaining weight - her everlasting battle for beauty. What kind I don't know? I don't even think she does. Because if she did... she'd see it in her already.
I just didn't realise it was this bad... but starving, fainting and now force vomiting...
I shake my head and force myself to look away from her.
"What do I have to do?" What do I have to do to get her to see her worth?
"To make you stop? Do I have to fucking babysit you? Force feed and handcuff your hands to keep them from fucking your mouth?" I blurt absolute filth.
Venom attached to every word.
"Shit"
I feel like I'm battling two versions of myself. Two different Lisa's.
One, who is riddled with aggression and frustration. A me who feels useless and lost and knows only malice when angry.
And another, who wants so bad to solve and save. To wrap Jennie delicately in her arms and for that to be enough. A me who wants to tread lightly and openly.
Who doesn't yell.
"This is so frustrating"
I like the second me best but I'm just so use to the first...
