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4:00 pm Seoul
I tilt my head in satisfaction. My fingers barely tracing, waiting, watching or I suppose listening for a sign. A sure thing. A simple gesture that'll welcome me - us both into a world of beauty, of fucking magic. Pardon my French. I'm overwhelmed and lacking clarity - and myself.
I exhale, suddenly remembering to breathe - how long had I held that? How long have I been kept in this gaze? In this moment?
A moment - position - detrimental situation. Definitely detrimental...I'm walking a fine line and I know it.
I shouldn't really be here, and I know it.
I should be walking into the lobby of Lisa's apartment building, and I know it.
God, I know it.
But I couldn't resist - I can't resist - not this.
Not him and all this danger.
Mm, I shiver at the word – danger – what a sexy notion. A thrilling proposition. Or at least this here, now, was a thrilling proposition. I had put myself in one.
For the danger, perhaps.
For the appeal, most certainly.
Again, I shouldn't be here. And not just because I definitely have somewhere else to be, or because this...well frankly wasn't me -my role, no that's not quite right - I mean this isn't what I do, you know. I don't break rules, take big risks...or beg.
God, I see future Jennie shudder at the memory – facepalm and groan into her own neck like a shy, self-deprecating turtle.
Why I had to beg...why I wanted in...or I guess, why I wanted him in...or us both...
Oh, I don't know shits embarrassing – again language, sorry – focus.
Jennie, focus.
Right, I shouldn't be here...I shouldn't be here because only months ago I rode a bike to school, stressed over tests and prioritized quiet nights in. I shouldn't be here because - well because it's crazy. This is all so far away from who I was...am?
