Oneshots | KOOKV

Cries of a broken heart

May 4, 2019 8:59 pm

It's over.

It's finally over between us.

I look at his last message and smiled bitterly. It's over even before it even started. What the fuck is that?

Tonight is one of those nights when I'm consumed by my thoughts, most of which are sad and devastating ones. I let my negative thoughts get the best of me, making me say words I didn't really mean.

Yes. Because of the anxiety that I feel for the unknown, I decided to end it up with him, though there's really nothing "official" between us. We're just in between something and nothing. But after tonight, I know we'll be the latter.

I love him. I'll be damned if this isn't true. He's just perfect. Too perfect for my heart. He's funny, a real gentleman, always ready to listen, and most of all - smart.

I have a really soft spot for intelligent people. I don't really care about the looks, for me that can be just a bonus. What really attracts me is a sexy mind. And he has it all, except for one thing which always makes me doubt whether things are going to workout between us or not.

Why do I have to choose to let him go instead of fight for him?

Why do I always end up being a coward when it comes to love?

He's too young. Hell. Too young for me. 9 fucking years younger to be exact. And God! He's barely a teen!

I know he's still confused about his feelings, though he's telling me otherwise.

I can't get swayed by his innocent words, but damn. I indulged myself in this sweet sin.

A sin so sweet that it makes me crave for more.

But no!

No more of this fucked up love. I can't risk my reputation for him. I can't take away his bright future if everyone knows about our little secret.

Our love is dangerous. In the eyes of other people, what we had is wrong.

I am older and wiser. I shouldn't have let him in my life from the first place.

I shouldn't have cherished his blossoming feelings into something so dangerous as love.

But I fucked up. I'm a smart person for petesake! But I'm a fool out of love. Now, we're both suffering.

Suffering the consequences of our actions. Letting the pain shatter our hearts as we say our goodbyes in a not so pleasant way.

But I have to accept it. We were never meant to be in the first place. He's not for me just like I'm not for him.

Everything is fine. Everyhing will be fine.

I have repeated this to myself over and over again to hopefully ease the pain that I'm feeling at the moment. In fact, I am writing this now to let go of the words that I cannot tell to anyone. Through writing this here, I know my heart will be at ease, even for a little while.

I need someone to listen to the words that I really want to say. I'm holding back tears, but somehow I feel contented.

Yeah. I'm such a fool.

But I know I made the right choice. He can finally give attention to the girls of his age, instead of me. And I couldn't be happier in the thought that he'll get to enjoy himself while he's still young.

If in the future, he comes back, If we can still be together by that time,

Only then will I take him in my arms again. And by that time, I won't let him go ever again.

But now is not yet the time. Cause right now, I'm chaos to his thoughts and he's poison to my heart.

Thank you for listening to the cries of my broken heart.

Until next time, hopefully by then, my heart no longer cries but instead, laughs in delight.

XOXO

TAE 🙃