The Rumor Mill

Ch.29]

Chapter 29

I arrived at James' house feeling extremely nervous. I could literally feel my hands shaking as I slowly drove my car towards the guest house. As I inched closer, I noticed James and Alicia sitting on the porch. He had his forearms resting on his thighs as he spoke, and she had her hands in her lap, looking at them as she listened. They seemed to be deep in conversation, because they didn't even notice when I parked my car.

Good, hopefully he's forgotten about us needing to 'talk'. I don't know why, but I'm silently hoping he's forgotten, I guess I just don't want to bring up all those feeling I have to him again. I'm just now coming to an understanding that we aren't 'James and Tracey' anymore, and I've accepted it.

He heard me tell Leon I was/am in love with him, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that a part of me wishes he hadn't heard. I just....I don't want to go through all that heartbreak again. Porsha was right about one thing, James and I have been having an on and off relationship, and I just don't think I can handle that anymore. I can't handle an emotional rollercoaster...I just can't.

I stepped out of the car and swiftly looked myself over. I'm wearing black lose shorts with a grey lose yet designed blouse along with black heels. I shrugged. I feel like crap, and if I feel like crap than I'm going to look like crap, and I don't give a crap. Speaking of crap, where's that phone of mine. I leaned into my car and dug through my bag.

When I retrieved it, I looked at my recent received calls to see who had called me during detention. James. He texted me too.

James: Hey, where r u?

I shut my phone and my car door before making my way towards the porch. "Turner! You were a beast in the fight!" Leon came on the porch as soon as I was walking up the path. Ugh! I should've known people would be talking about it. James' head shot in my direction, just realizing my presence. I noticed his eyes scan my body, mostly lingering on my exposed legs, making me feel a little self-conscious.

He hasn't looked at me like that in days, so now it feels uncomfortable. I shook my head and stopped before walking up the four steps to the porch. "You heard about that huh?" I asked nonchalantly. He laughed. "Heard? I witnessed it!" he laughed. "What were you guys arguing about anyway?" Alicia asked when she finally took her eyes off of James, who was staring at me. I glanced at him for a moment before diverted my eyes back to her. "Uh, nothing; she just came up and slapped me so I-"

"So you took a swig of your cola and football tackled her! Complete bada*s!" Leon announced approvingly while cutting me off. I glanced at James again. He had his eyes narrowed at me; he knew I wasn't saying everything that happened. "Wow, she must really hate you to just slap you out of nowhere," Alicia acknowledged. I nodded in agreement, trying not to look at James due to his starring.

Leon yawned and stretched. "Well, I'm going to go lay down," he announced. We all nodded before he walked back into the house. Wait a second...he can't lay down! We're supposed to be having sleep deprivation! Alicia's eyes widened as if she was frightened. "No!" she screamed a little theatrically before running into the house after Leon.

I laughed and shook my head. "I called you, you didn't answer," James finally spoke. He got up from the chair he was sitting in and sat on the top step in from of me. He was looking at me, awaiting my excuse. "Yeah, sorry, I um, I had detention. Well, I have detention until this whole fighting thing blows over," I explain.

He nodded his head and sighed in relief. "Oh good. I thought you were ignoring me," he admitted, with a small relieved smile on his face. I shook my head and looked down to the gravel. I slightly kicked a small pebble with the toe of my heel. "So what really started that fight?" he asked me.

I didn't look up as I answered. "She accused me of trying to be like her. With the whole on and off relationship we had, which is just like how you guys were when you were dating...on and off," I repeated, still finding the gravel interesting as I swung my foot back and forth slightly. "Our relationship is nothing like my relationship with Porsha," he assured me.

I snorted. "Yeah because she didn't cheat on you," I muttered without thinking. I mentally slapped myself for bringing that up again. James was quiet for a minute and I didn't dare look to see his face. He probably had a pained expression and I didn't want to see what I caused.

"I told you I forgive you for that-"

"Why? How could you forgive me? God, how could you even stand to be around me? I cheated on you James! I kissed another guy and I lied to your face afterwards! How could you possibly forgive me for doing something like that?!" I asked cutting him off, my voice rising with every sentence. I was looking at him know, pleading with my eyes for him to answer. I could feel unwanted tears trying to surface, but I pushed them back...no more crying.

James didn't answer. He just looked at me. He seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst. "See, you can't even give me an answer," I replied breaking the silence. My voice was calm and low now. He still didn't answer me. "Look," I looked him straight in his eyes and sighed, knowing this is going to hurt me more then it'll hurt him. "I think we should spend some time away from each other. Being around one another is just going to make things more complicated," I whispered with defeat.

I didn't fight off the tears that were beginning to cloud by vision. Now's the time. Now's the time to finally and officially let him go. He still didn't answer, although he was talking with his facial expressions. He seemed surprised by my suggestion. "I just think it'll be best if we didn't have to see each other more than we have to. I'll spend the next day at my house, and I'll have Yvette and Andrew make sure I don't fall asleep," I continued, fighting the lump in my throat that was threatening to back my voice crack.

He didn't say anything. He seemed lost at words. His eyes were swiftly moving from left to right, as if putting together what I just said. His lips were slightly parted and he was sitting straight up. I took his silence as my cue to leave and walked back to my car.

As I walked, the tears became too much to control and they started forcefully pouring from my eyes, although my sobs were quiet. I got into my car and escaped as quickly as possible, leaving James sitting on his porch dumbfounded.

I drove home, trying to hold back my cries, but as soon as I made it into my driveway, I couldn't hold them back anymore. I opened my mouth as my cries of sorrow and heartbreak bellowed out. I put my forehead on the top on my steering wheel and continued sobbing. I did it. I finally let him go...but why does it feel like he's still a part of me? It's like a part of my heart was torn right through my chest and I couldn't breathe. I started gasping for the air that my sobs were stealing from my lungs.

Before I knew what was happening, my door opened and someone pulled me from the car. "I forgive you...because I'm in love with you," James whispered before he pulled me into his warm embrace...

[AN: i don't know if it's just me, but I got chills WRITING this...how crazy is that? Please tell me what you think...this chapter is very important to me and I really wanna hear everyone's opinion. I don't care if you say how much you HATED it, at least that's something...haha]