Most Annoying Wattpad cliches

Cliche 28

THE MAFIAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Looking at all of the cliches I have talked or wrote about I realize I didn't elaborate on this specific topic and so here we are!! Ladies and Gentlemen of all ages fasten your seatbelts because this is going to be a bumpy ride.

1. The first one is the leader. I mean has anyone ever seen El Chapo or maybe Pablo Escobar ( A picture not in real life...I hope)? Why in the name of everything holy are all the Mafia leaders in the wattpad Universe looking all hot and Greek goddy? Why the hell are they 25? Why are they all six feet tall and made with pure muscle? Do they find time in between all the drug dealing to work out at the gym? In the history of the world is there any Mafia drug lord who looks like Jason Mamoa?

I should calm down with all of these questions. Anyway, the reality is, now I know this may come off as a huge surprise but Mafia leaders aren't at all hot. They look like...I don't want to say it just in case the good lord denies me entry to heaven. Feel free to fill in the blanks.

2. Did you know that there is the there is a Mafia in Japan, Columbia, Canada, China heck even Albania! Somehow the only ones that exist on wattpad are either Mexicans, Italians or Russians. Congratulations! You get a piece of racial profiling cake, you get a piece of racial profiling cake, EVERYBODY GETS A PIECE OF RACIAL PROFILING CAKE!!!!!!! It's chocolate by the way, if you don't like it I'll give you a piece of vanilla flavored brick you uncultured swine!

3. I don't know what is happening but somehow when the gang is not out murdering and drug dealing they are little heartthrobs trying to win the heart of some bitch who doesn't know the difference between danger and the time to join hands and sing Kumbaya.

4. The female main character is never a normal girl. She's either an orphan, depressed and cutting, has abusive parents, was kidnapped through sex trafficking. These are the times I wished the two idiots met at Starbucks with the whole cliche coffee pours on boy scene.

5. Which evil gutless rat introduced the idea that the whole Mafia gang, group or whatever live under one roof? It's quite absurd and completely undermines the whole divert suspicion thing they should have going on. I mean imagine if Hitler, Moussolini, Saddam Hussein, Stalin and Dracula all lived in one big house. Nothing going on there! They just like never ending sleepovers.

6. Where lefuq is the police? Hundreds of people have fallen in the hands of those dreadful bástards and the police don't even investigate. Forget investigate, they don't even exist! Or maybe they are all in playing ping pong tournament with the FBI and CIA who are also missing in action.

7. Never once read a story centered around the Mafia without having some element of r*ape. I mean you have to expect something like that at some point in time but some authors go out of their way to just include it. I like reading stories about how people overcome tragedies and then learn to be strong again but then the character is like "welp that happened but the show must go on bītches!"

8. The girl never considers how many people the so called love of her life has killed, räped and ruined, how many families he has destroyed, how many people are out there dying of overdose as a direct result of his actions. Well you know what they say #YOLO