Amateur Love Games *Punk Niall* {EDITING}

18: It's For The Best

Hey Neoners!! Here's chapter 18!! There's 2 more chapters left!! I decided not to do an Epilogue for the main reason being that the way I would've written it would lead into a Sequel which I am not writing for this story so I took it out.

I've been crazy busy studying for exams so I will be trying to update the last two chapters either tonight or sometime this week.

I love you Neoners!!

-Alice<3

P.S. Dedication to a commenter

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N i a l l

Zayn and I come home from the hospital with Alex and see El and Louis in the main room of our flat. It was a pleasant surprise to see them both after such a hard morning. Lou knows how to lift the mood so easily by cracking jokes and just being himself.

It was another nice surprise when they told us that they would be moving with us. The minute the words left Eleanor's mouth I noticed Alex had perked up a bit. Only slightly though which is so saddening. I know she's taking the adoption hard. 

Of course it is harder on the mother than the father. I mean yes I'm going to miss him and wonder what it would be like to raise him myself with Alex. But Alex, she had to carry him in her for seven months and go through the scare of almost losing him and possibly dying herself. Even though she probably won't ever admit it to me I know she wishes she could've kept Andy. She would've made and amazing mother too.

The day dragged on, it began to rain outside and was followed by thunder and lightening. We didn't let that stop us though. Zayn volunteered to make dinner and Lou and I attempted to help him while Eleanor and Alex had some time to talk. If anyone can make her feel better it's El.

That's sort of a sad thought though the more I think about it. I should be the only one able to make her feel better in this situation. I'm the father of her baby and I'm her boyfriend. I love her dearly and I would do anything for her. Wait, did I say love? I mean I guess I do and we aren't doing that stupid game anymore. That stopped when she left so yeah I love her.

 Louis and I dish the food on to the plates while Zayn goes to see how Alex is. He's gotten more protective of her since she had Andy. Not that that's a bad thing, he's her brother. I know he worries for her health as much as I do these days.

I grab two plates one for me and the other for Alex. I pass Zayn as he goes into the kitchen, most likely to get his own food. I hand Alex her food to which I get a barely audible thank you. I watch her from the corner of my eye as I eat my food. She pushes it around with her fork and takes a bite here and there. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she's hungry but is refusing to eat.

I look to Zayn who is casually watching her from his spot on the floor adjacent to us. He must have felt my eyes on him because he shifts his eyes to look at me and you could see the amount of pain and sorrow he is feeling for his sister. He just wants to help her but he knows his help will do no good if she can't help herself. 

Alex stands up from the floor and smiles before clearing the empty dishes from the room and placing them on top of her full plate of food. I look back to Zayn and he just shakes his head at me indicating that I should leave it be. Alex suggests that we should put on a movie to watch and we all agree. I glance at the time to see it's only 4pm.

Because we let Eleanor pick the movie we all got stuck watching When in Rome. The movie I will admit is funny and it wan't as bad as I thought it would be but after that one Louis, Zayn, and I couldn't take another so the girls agreed one of us could choose.

We put in Lord of the Rings and got comfortable on the floor. Because we are flying back to Manchester tomorrow instead of just renting a car and driving there we had to send the boxes and furniture earlier today leaving us with only blankets and pillows to sit on. It's not very comfortable but thankfully it's only for tonight.

As our third movie comes to an end I feel Alex get up. I fake being asleep because I know she'll feel slightly more at ease if everyone is asleep. I hear her turn the television off and then she drapes a blanket over top of me. Her footsteps drift away and I hear a door close. Quickly I sit up and look around. Zayn is asleep and she draped a blanket over him as well.

I couldn't help but notice during the movies that she would rub her stomach the way she did when she was still pregnant with Andy. Quietly I get up and walk down the hallway and listen at her door. She's crying, not just crying but sobbing. I can tell because the sounds are loud but muffled. No doubt because she's trying to hide the sounds of her cries with a pillow.

I have the strong urge to just go in there and hold her but I know that she needs to cry. She needs to let everything she's feeling out. I sit by her door until I hear her cries die down into nothing. She's either sleeping or thinking, either way I still don't go in. I stay put by the door and lean against the wall. I feel myself fall slowly into a restless sleep for fear that Alex might need my comfort.

The next morning I wake up and look around the flat. Zayn is awake in the kitchen and I sit across from him. He gives me a sad smile before opening his mouth and closing it again. I know he wants to ask something but doesn't want to at the same time. I wave my hand on urging him to speak.

"How is she?" He asks and I shake my head.

"She cried until a little after midnight. I think she fell asleep after that but I can't be sure. I slept outside her door. I know she woke up and cried again before sunrise too." I told him and he sighs.

"Well we best go get her up now, we'v got to be at the airport terminal by ten." Zayn says.

"Alright I'll get her, do you want to get her something to eat?" I ask and he waves me off.

"She's not going to want to eat, I know her too well. When she's in this kind of mood all she wants to do is sleep and cry. If she's hungry she'll tell us though, we'll get her food then." Zayn says and I sigh.

I walk down the hall and knock on her door. She doesn't say anything so I slowly open the door. Alex is sitting up hugging a pillow to her chest. She looks up at me when I get near her. I sit down next to her and pull her to my chest.

"I hate for you to see me so weak." She whispers.

"You're not weak, you gave something up that you loved in hopes of giving him something you couldn't. That's strength." I tell her.

"Then why does it hurt so bad?" She asks.

"Because you're still his mum. Right now it hurts, even I hurt. I miss him too and I wish we could have kept him but we couldn't. We gave him a good home." I say and she nods.

"Is it time to go?" She asks and I look at the time on my phone. 9am.

"Yeah, we just have to shove the pillows and blankets into the empty suitcase and we will be on our way back home." I say and she nods.

I stand up and help Alex to her feet. She's in yoga pants and a band tee but she still looks beautiful. She puts her converse on and walks out of the room. I pick up the blankets and pillows and carry them to the main area where Zayn is already putting them into suitcases. When the movers came we sent all our clothes with them so our suitcases are empty to fill with the pillows and balnkets.

The plane taxi's down the runway and soon we are in the air and on our way home. Alex is by the window, I'm in the middle and Zayn is by the aisle. Louis and Elenor managed to get two seats in the row behind us. As soon as the plane was at cruising altitude it seems as Alex was too tired to stay awake. She was asleep in minutes.

When I looked to Zayn he was already looking at his little sister. She's in such a fragile state and he practically raised her so I know it pains him to see her like this. For the short flight to Manchester Zayn and I talk about what awaits us in the small city.