Twisted [Degenerate Series, Book 1][Blackfrost] ✔️

Chapter 32

When I opened my eyes, I did not see the dazzling city lights from the view in Stark Tower, and I did not feel Loki's shoulder against my temple. Instead, I was staring at my closet with my head resting on my own pillow. How had I gotten here? I looked at the time. It was almost 7:30 in the morning the next day.

Rubbing my head, I sat up.

The party couldn't have been a dream, right? No, that didn't make sense. I was, after all, still wearing my black dress.

I got out of bed and fixed the straps on my shoulders. I crept into the kitchen and then into the living room to see Loki laying on the couch with his feet propped up on one arm rest and his head resting on the other. He had a book resting on his chest, but it appeared he had stopped reading to fall asleep.

He, too, was wearing his outfit from the party, though the top few buttons of his dress shirt had been unbuttoned to make the outfit more comfortable for the rest position he was in.

I wanted to reach out and touch his peaceful, sleeping face, but he stirred as I moved my hand, so I slapped it back to my side. Loki opened his eyes and stretched. He grinned at me, "hi," he said with sleep still heavy in his voice.

Loki sat up and let the book fall onto the couch.

"Um...Loki?" I asked. "We were at the party. How did we get back here?"

Loki looked kind of embarrassed as he replied, "I didn't want to wake you, so I carried you down to the lobby and a woman helped to get a...taxi," he hesitated on the last word, and I knew he wasn't sure if he got the name right.

I was partially thankful that he didn't wake me up - I had been so tired - but I couldn't help but feel supreme embarrassment. I imagined Loki carrying me in a cradle hold past everyone at the party - Steve, Clint, Bruce, Tony...everyone.

"Oh, god," I cursed under my breath, feeling my face get hot. "Just...wake me next time!"

Loki looked surprised and hurt, but I was just silently praying that Nick Fury wasn't at the party. Resting my head on Loki's shoulder in a dark corner was one thing, but the God of Mischief carrying my sleeping body through a packed Christmas party was another. I could lose my job if anyone spoke up about my intimacy with Loki when everything between us was supposed to be strictly professional.

I wondered what I had looked like in Loki's arms - probably like a child. This was so humiliating!

"Look, I was just trying to help," Loki said, and I could hear an edge to his voice.

My shoulders sagged. He was right. "I know," I sighed. "It's not your fault. It's mine."

Loki tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. I had to put an end to this. I couldn't keep letting my feelings run away with Loki.

"I'm making breakfast," I sighed. I walked over to the fridge and pulled out eggs, bacon, bread, and butter.

I cracked the eggs into the pan in silence. When they were done, I started to cook the bacon and toast the toast.

I quickly buttered the toast. Loki was leaning on the counter by the fridge. He took one of the plates, "thank you," he mumbled, tentative. He didn't want me make me angry. Again.

I began to make my way around the island to the chairs on the other side when I caught my toe on one of the stupid, old, wooden floorboards. I stumbled forward and I would have fallen if Loki hadn't wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against his chest.

The intimate touch made my breath hitch and the my hands let the plate fall to the ground. The plate shattered, scattering food all over the floor.

Loki let go of my waist out of surprise, and I spun around to elbow him quickly in the throat, making him stumble away from me in surprise. During the commotion, he dropped his plate as well.

Loki's eyes flared with anger and I'm sure mine were boiling too. My waist was still tingling from his touch.

"What is the name of Hel was that for?" Loki asked, his voice shrouded with anger as he clutched his throat. "What is wrong with you? Why have you been so mad at me, lately?"

"Because..." I hesitated. What was I supposed to say? That my run away heart was the reason for my anger? I almost blurted out a lie, until I looked into his eyes. His icy blue eyes were flickering between the two of mine, clouded with confusion and desperate the understand what I was feeling. My heart spoke before my mind could comprehend what I was saying. "Because I'm falling in love with you." There was a horrible moment of silence that followed my words. Loki's parted lips closed and I could see him clench his jaw. "But I don't want to. I can't. I can't fall in love with someone like you. We are complete opposites. You are everything I don't want to be. And if anyone finds out about my stupid feelings, I would lose my job. And I can't lose my job. Not...for you."

There was another moment of silence. Loki scratched the back of his neck, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "They're not..." he cleared his throat again. "They're not  He going to fire you. You're an...Avenger."

"That's what makes it worse," I said backing away. My heart was pounding. This had to be a nightmare. "I'm an Avenger, and you...well, you're the opposite, like I said. I was assigned to watch you, get information from you. Everything between us has to be professional. It's my fault that I led myself on, that I let myself believe I could fall in love with you. It's my fault I led you on. And...I'm sorry."

I backed away, desperate to get away. I wanted to hide in my room and stay there forever. For a second I thought Loki would let me, because he just stood there, frozen. That is, until he reached his arm out and grabbed me by the wrist, spinning my around to face him and pulling me against his body. I placed my hand on his chest, and I could feel his heart drumming against my palm, pounding as quickly as mine was.

Loki hesitated before leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. My whole body began to feel numb as I became light-headed. My limbs were crackling with energy, pure adrenaline and electricity.

I felt Loki's hand on my cheek before his fingers buried in the hair just above my ear.

Blood was rushing in my ears, and time itself seemed to freeze as I melted into his arms. It was shocking how...gentle he was. His free hand worked it's way around my waist, pulling me even closer.

We broke apart slowly and at the same time. My lips remained parted, desperate for more but knowing this was all wrong. All wrong.

I couldn't look him in the eyes, so I just watched my hand trail down his chest and his abdomen before it fell away to my side.

Loki's hand remained around my waist, but I pulled away. Shaking and silent, I went to my room and closed the door.

My legs felt like spaghetti, so I let myself collapse against my bedroom door. I sat with my head in my hands and my back to the door. I knew I should move to help clean up the mess in the kitchen, but I couldn't work up the courage to face Loki.

So I didn't.

I don't know how long I stood in the kitchen, staring at the spot where Natasha had left. My heart was still pounding painfully in my chest, and my body was crackling with electricity.

I forced myself to clean up the mess on the floor, which took me twice as long as it should have because of my shaking limbs.

I then went to my own room and collapsed on my bed, daydreaming about the kiss, and about how much I wanted to see Natasha right now.

I stayed there for the rest of the day. I heard no movement in the other room, so I saw no reason to get up.

I just stayed there on my bed, staring dreamily at the ceiling until I changed and slipped into sleep much later in the day.

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Yeah, so I'm going to publish once or twice a day now until the book is done.

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