Damned but mine

Chapter 23

MELANIE

Now home from my lessons, I have to say today was really awkward if you ask me, with an annoying smirk on his lips, he kept asking me if I had liked his pictures or not— When was it a crime to like someone's picture? It's not like I did it intentionally, it was simply a mistake that I solely regret doing, now he would think I was stalking his socials... Great!

Sighing, I take off my jacket before tossing it to the floor, leaving only my blue singlet and trousers on. Walking towards my full body mirror, I stand in front of it looking down at the scars on my arm, the ones from the cuts I gave myself a long time ago. Lost in them, I begin running my fingers on all of them, remembering how bad they use to hurt back then and realising now that even though I had done all that, they were all so useless.

Walking away from the mirror, I go to my window, falling my curtain down before taking off the remaining clothes on me. Dumping them on the floor, I grab my towel, before stepping into the bathroom. Turning the tap on, the cold water begin to fill the bath. Full enough, I remove my towel dropping it on the dry floor before stepping in.

I sat in for minutes even though the water was so damn and could possibly freeze me any moment. Not giving too much thoughts to it, I take a deep breath and shut my eyes, holding my breath tight as I dip my whole body into the water. Wanting more, I bring my hand to my face and shut my nose close, to stop any sigh of breathing. "Just one minute," I thought, "Just one minute, I don't want to breath."

Deep down in the water, my mind travels far to that day, that moment when it all happened.

Daddy!

Everything happened in the blink of any eye, I didn't have a clue. If I was strong, if only I was fucking strong, I would have been able to save myself and save him.

Daddy, please don't leave me!

Why wasn't it me? I've asked myself countless times. I've always wished it was me—I still do. They say people make mistakes, I totally agree on that, you made a mistake saving me on that day dad, you could have made a run for it but...but you didn't, why?

"My life is great." I always say to myself. "Thanks for saving me." They expect me to say but what good do I have to show off, is it the cuts in my hands? Or is it the moment I felt depressed and felt like I couldn't go on?

"Jesus Christ! Melanie!" Hearing my mum's voice, I felt her hand on my arm and in a second, she forcefully pulls me out of the water. Gasping, I cough loudly, coughing out water. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She shouts loudly, both of her hand on her temple as she ruffles her hair. From the look at things, she seems to be deeply tired of me. "Why would you stay in the water that long?"

"I'm fine." I calmly said, wiping the water flowing from my wet hair to my eyes off my face.

"How can you even say that? I walked in and was so scared, I thought, I thought you were..."

"Mum!" I exclaimed, gaining her attention. "I'm okay, you don't have to be like this, I fine." I assured her, stepping out of the bath tub, grabbing my towel off the floor and wrapping it around myself. I turn to her to see her less panicking now. "You can leave now."

"Please," she takes both of my hands, about to remove my hands from her hold, he only holds unto me firmly. "Please don't do that again, it's too dangerous. You know I... I can't lose you too, don't forget to wear something warm." She let's go of me and walks out of the bathroom before me.

Taking in her advice, I wear something warm before tossing my body on my bed. Looking at the bright dark sky from my window, I don't know if it's me being in the water for too long but I'm really cold.  Curling myself up in my bed with my blanket fully on my body, I couldn't sleep, maybe it was because in three days, it's my dad's death anniversary.