Suicide Attempts

Chapter 6

*17 years old*

now, ten years in your future, chaewon is no longer with us. don't lose what's important to you. please keep a close eye on Chaewon. I'm counting on you to change the future.

'chaewon is no longer with us' that sentence keeps on ringing in my head. why isn't she with us? did she go somewhere? or did she perhaps......

no. no. no. that can't be it. don't tell me what I'm thinking right now is true. please. did she...

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die?

tears start to drip onto my bare arms. that's not it. maybe she's just leaving to another country. yes. that must be it. think positive, minju. she did say that she won't let go of me right? I just have to put trust in her.

"yuri~~~ let's go buy some bread~~" yujin's voice echo inside the classroom. I mean, you wouldn't be surprised right? knowing how loud her voice can go. "oh, wait. let's go together," chaewon stand from her seat.

"you don't have lunch too, chae?" yujin questioned her. "no. my mom won't make me any," chaewon reply with an awkward smile while rubbing the back of her head.

"yeah? then you're welcome to the bread-buying club. the members used to be me and yuri. but now, your name is in the membership too," yujin jokingly said making chaewon can't help but laugh uncontrollably.

January 13th

Chaewon becomes a provisional member of the soccer club.

Chaewon says her mom doesn't make him lunch. so I tell her I'll make one for her and bring it tomorrow. but I changed my mind and didn't make her lunch.

"chaewonie~~ come to the soccer practice with me," yujin said with a perky tone while head locking chaewon's head.

"huh? why would I?" chaewon questioned. "aye what do you mean. you're way better at soccer than I am. you just prove it to us. don't try to deny it."

"plus... minju told me that you actually love soccer," yujin continue. that dog. I already told her that it's a secret. I knew I couldn't trust her in keeping such a simple request.

"kim minju......" oh no. oh no. I'm dead for sure. if I die please tell mom and dad that I love them and I'm sorry for being such a troublesome daughter to them. sweats are visible on my forehead. fuck. why am I so nervous and scared right now. it's just chaewon.

she's getting closer and closer. she's now standing in front of me. I'm closing both of my eyes getting prepared to be killed by my own first crush I ever had in my entire life.

man.. why am I dying early. I haven't even finished my bucket list and my marriage plan with chaewon. I already plan what our child name is.

if it's a boy it would be wonmin and if it's a girl it would be chaemin. I can even imagine how our child would look like.

just imagine marrying chaewon and wake up in the morning just to see chaewon sleeping beside me, her arms wrap around my waist.

our morning would be me making breakfast and she would be back hugging me while I'm cooking with our children running and playing around in the living room. oh my gosh. such a happy famil-

*flick* I felt someone flicking my forehead using their long boney fingers. I don't feel any pain since its just a light flick. "AHAHAHAH DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M GOING TO BE MAD AT YOU?" chaewon laugh hysterically.

"shut up," I pout. "all right time for soccer," yujin continue to head locking chaewon's head. everyone was laughing at chaewon's irritating face towards yujin and wanted to let go of her arm. but obviously, yujin is way stronger than her.

the whole evening is just us watching yujin, chaewon and even yuri play soccer. yuri really suck at sports. it's not that she wanted to play in the first place but they're out of members to play so yuri has no choice but to join.

"That was great, chae." everyone agrees with their head bobbing up and down. "hey what about me? I was great too, you know. didn't you notice chaewon made that goal because of my great pass?" yujin whine like a kid.

"you're great too but the person who made the goal is way cooler," eunbi jokingly said at the sulking child. "unnie~~~~" yujin continue to whine. everyone laugh at how a child yujin is even when she is the tallest among us.

"that's it." yujin suddenly put both of her palms on each side of chaewon's shoulder while saying, "you're joining the soccer club." "but-" chaewon tries to deny.

"come on, chae. how could you waste your talent like that? you're joining no but. you're starting tomorrow morning." "But I can't wake up early in the morning. I will be late to the soccer practise anyway."

"that's okay. minju can wake up early in the morning. right minju?" all eyes are on me now. "sure." "Really?" chaewon ask in disbelief. I just nodded as a sign of yes.

suddenly chaewon run to me with an open arm and hug me tightly while saying thank you. "ew. what the heck. you're sweaty. don't touch me." chaewon let go of me and stick her tongue to me playfully.

"do you know minju make her lunch every day in the morning?" yena ask chaewon as she leans onto the pole. "she does?!" eunbi nodded in response.

"You should make me lunch while you're at it," chaewon smiling widely at me. "sure. I'll make you lunch tomorrow." "thank you~~~," she said giving me a bear hug.

that same night

should I make her lunch? or should I not? she did sound playful though. maybe she's just kidding with me. or did she really want me to make her lunch?

I regret not making him lunch. I want you to make her a homemade lunch on the 14th.

oh, shit. I should buy some groceries then. I get myself ready to go to the market nearby. it's not big but it's big enough to sell all that I need to buy for the lunchbox.

as soon as I arrive at my house, I start to cut the vegetables so that I can save time and just cook it the next morning.

"what are you doing?" my mom asked me. "preparing for tomorrow's lunch." "Oh. don't stay up too late, okay?" I just nod without thinking too much after that.