August 21st
During P.E, everyone's time is recorded in the 100-meter dash. runners for the relay race in the athletic meet are chosen.
six people from our class are going to do it. chaewon is the fastest runner, so she's going to be the anchor.
students were required to sit in a line of 10 people in a row so that the teacher is able to see every single one of us clearly. we were using our P.E attire so none of us had a hard time to sit comfortably on the sandy field.
"all right! everyone here?" the teacher asks as he was checking our attendance. it doesn't take that long for him to tick our attendance as we told him earlier that no one is absent.
"Okay! I'm gonna announce the runner for the relay. first, Kim Chaewon. you had the fastest time, so you'll be the anchor," he said as he what looks like writing chaewon's name onto the pieces of an empty paper.
"THAT'S AWESOME, CHAE. GOODLUCK!" yena cheer for chaewon who is sitting in front of her. the teacher then proceeds to call out the names he had chosen for the relay but honestly, I don't really hear who is he calling cause yena being too loud behind makes my ears bleed.
chaewon had been anxious about the race since she was chosen as the anchor.
but on that day of the meet, during the relay, chaewon is running in the lead when she suddenly twists her ankle and falls. as a result, the class comes in last. The class blamed her and chaewon feels responsible for the loss.
When chaewon fell down, I immediately went to her and support her to the finish line. She looked at me saying:
'You decided to finish the race
along with me when others aim for first place to impress and claim victory.'
for chaewon's sake, do something so she's no longer a member of the relay team.
after the meeting was over, yujin who was standing beside me decides to approach her. "chae.... why don't I run in your place. you don't have to force yourself," yujin offers.
"that's right. if its too much pressure, you can drop out," defending yujin only because I was told to do so by the future.
"but... I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. it made me think maybe I can be useful too. I was happy to be picked," chaewon shyly said scratching her cheek lightly. my eyes widen in shock. it's not the kind of answer I was expecting from her.
I suddenly feel bad to not let her participate when she said she's happy. after all, all I wanted was for her to be happy.
is it right for me to stops her from what makes her happy just because of a letter? or is it because I'm scared that she will blame herself after that.
"Are you sure?!" yujin aggressively twirl chaewon by the shoulder to face her. "you really want to do it, from the bottom of your heart?" she continues. "let her do it," eunbi crossed her arms together.
"you don't want to let her run?" it was yena's turn to asks. "no... I mean chaewon collapsed the other day. I'm just worried. what if something happens to her?"
"I understand that. but, are you seriously going to stop her from doing what she wants?" eunbi answers.
"Maybe I shouldn't do it after all. if I fell in the middle of the relay, I would ruin it for everyone. yujinie, will you run for me?" she said as she tries to keep up a smile on her face. I knew better enough that deep inside she really wants to do it.
"Are you sure about that?" eunbi asks again to confirm. but chaewon nodded without hesitations. she didn't even think twice to answer. maybe I was wrong to do that.
"I didn't expect chaewon to say she wanted to do it. maybe we should've let her do the relay," yujin confronts me after that little scene from earlier.
"that's what I want too. she seems happy to be able to be a part of the relay team. I want her to do what makes her happy too. but it was written in the letter saying that we should not let her do it."
we have a mathematics lesson after this and the teacher who will be teaching us is no other than our class teacher.
when he wanted to turn to the next chapter which we will learn together soon, chaewon suddenly lift up her hand calling for the teacher's attention.
"teacher." "what is it, ms. Kim?" the teacher answers her politely giving her the sign to continue. "I'd like to talk to you about the relay." "you don't want to be the anchor?" the teacher questioned her raising an eyebrow.
before chaewon could even answer the teacher with a 'yes', eunbi quickly stood up from her seat earning attention from the teacher and of course from the students who are confused to why she suddenly acted that way.
"teacher. I want to be in the relay," eunbi answers with no hesitation. "teacher! I want to be in the relay too!" yena screams while waving both of her arms in excitement.
"We talk about it beforehand. honestly representing the class is kind of heavy responsibility, so I would like one of them to take my place" one of them who is supposed to be in the relay explains everything to the teacher.
"it's the first athletic meet since chaewon transferred here. we thought it'd be fun to do it together," yena turn to look at chaewon who had her jaw dropped at the back of the class.
"I'll be replacing them to back down too. I want to run in the relay together with chaewon too," yujin raise up her hand showing her dimples.
there's no need to get caught up in whether the letter is right or wrong. what I should do is..... "m-me too. I'll be joining the relay too."
"yuri is joining it too," yena hit yuri's back giving her the signal using just her eyes. "yeah. I would like to join it too," yuri has no choice but to agree. "ok then. we'll have these six students to represent our class," the teacher applauds.
today, I chose a path that is different from the letter. a different path is fine, as long as we make sure it leads to a bright future. I'm happy it turns out this way too. this time we made a different choice than what the letter suggested.
but if it ends us saving chaewon, then I think its the right one.
it was the others who made it possible. for now, I'll stop depending on the letter. I'm going to try thinking about what would make chaewon the happiest and then act on that. I've always carried the letter around me.
time to put it away.
YOU ARE READING
Suicide Attempts
Fanfiction"We're sorry for taking you for granted." "We're sorry we couldn't save you." "We wish we had kept a closer eye on you."
