Suicide Attempts

Chapter 12

Everyone is busy cleaning the dusty classroom. some are cleaning the floor. some are wiping the windows and some even arrange the tables to where they are supposed to be at.

I, however, are cleaning the blackboard. suddenly, "Ms Kim?" the teacher calls me. "please come to the staff room then you can continue your cleaning duty." I bow in respect and follow him towards the staff room.

the reason I was called out is that the teacher needs help to carry the exercise books back to our classroom. not wanting to waste any time, I ran back to my classroom but unfortunately, I spot chaewon sitting alone at the bench playing her phone.

"chaewon..... is alone?" I guess I was caught staring at her when she suddenly turns her head to where I am almost flinching due to shock probably didn't expect me to even give a glance at her.

looking at her gives me heartbreak. not wanting to shed any tears today, I turn away from her and walk fastly to class. "Minju!" chaewon shouted from behind making my whole body to stop functioning.

I wanted to ignore and walk away from her but my body doesn't seem to cooperate with me. "I want to talk to you," she continues. please don't do this to me, chaewon. you know how weak I am when I hear you talk or when you smile.

When Chaewon calls you out, please answer her.

remembering what the letter has said, I decided to answer her so I turn to her but the universe wasn't on my side because I saw hyewon sunbae from behind glaring at me with the 'don't-talk-to-my-girlfriend' kind of look.

I don't want to cause trouble for myself and chaewon so I just ignore her and walk away even though deep inside I really do want to talk to her like we used to. I run and run. away from chaewon. away from hyewon sunbae. away from both of them.

if sunbae doesn't like me talking to her, then I probably shouldn't... if it gets in the way of what chaewon is doing, then I don't have any reason to talk to her at all... I'm sorry, chaewon... I just can't... I'm sorry for being such a coward...

'I should've done that back then' that's what me from the future said. it's easy for you to say that when you're in the future... I can't do it... I can't do it... it's easy to look back on what happened...

but in the present, you're already doing everything you can... sometimes things don't work out for some people... and apparently, I'm that people...

ignoring chaewon has become harder for me as she is everywhere I go. but time passes quickly. seconds turn to a minute. minutes turn to an hour. hours turn to a day. and eventually, days pass turning it to weeks. it's been weeks since I started to ignore her.

but that doesn't mean I never look out for her. sometimes I will stare at her during lessons but it doesn't take that long for me to look away before she can even catch me staring.

March 18th

after school, chaewon and hyewon sunbae get in a fight after she bid me goodbye.

"bye, minmin~~." she still calls me minmin. how can she still treats me kindly after all I did was ignore her existence? I don't deserve her. I don't deserve to have her as a friend. I'm an ungrateful person.

Later on, I would find out that chaewon was deeply troubled at that time.

"c-chae!! wai-" I got cut off when someone pushes me from behind. the impact is hard enough to make me fall to the ground. I heard that certain person whisper 'bitch' to me when she hits me from behind before she shouts chaewon's name. that when I knew all along that hyewon hates me from the very first day.